8 Year Patchy Longer then necessary ramble

8 Year Patchy Longer then necessary ramble From CouragetoChange on 7/4/2010 10:28:00 PM

I give thanks to my God, Moonchaser, and all of the Quitnet for this quit, that I know would have been impossible without all three. But of course because Quitnet makes it possible to connect with quitbuds, most of the the human credit goes to Moonchaser, who helped me and actually listened to me when all that stuff was coming out of my keyboard and onto quitnets otherwise lovely pages. I can relate so well to people who come in and say I am so pissed off! LOL I was! It was tough then, I was getting ready to jump ship and try some other way which would not have worked cuz God wanted me here, and I had all these people writing and asking what was wrong and I was happy to tell them what was wrong, most didn't write back lol. I am truly sorry for those replies and I appreciated then and still do the concern and kindness, but I was not ready to receive it. But it was about that time when Moon got the same idea and she wrote. Arrgggg!!!!!!! How many times do I have to tell people to go away, you'd think the word would spread, so she had some nerve! But we had a journey to take, and at some point we found we had two days between us, only Moon was not committed to her quit, and that made me made because she came to save my ass just so she could bail? I don't think so. She gave me something to focus on besides my own petty stuff, and somehow we became a team and we did this together day by day. I can't stress enough to the new people, find a friend to hang on to cuz you're gonna need them, when no one else understands or wants to try and understand, your friend who knows exactly where you are, will, cuz she knows, shes right with you. When I was at the family reunion things got pretty slippery, internet was bad and I was scared so I finally got on and sent out some sos, Moon got me right back and you know it didn't matter what she said, just that this woman knows me and she supports me even today she's the first to answer the call for help. I was so glad to get home though. I love people who come in here wagging their finger saying, "You must have a Quit date" or "You must have a plan!" And I say to those statements loud and proud, "Bull****!" You quit how you quit, and if you're quit today then you're a success. I quit without a planned quit, I quit without throwing my cigs away and doing a dumpster dance. I'm an addict, and that makes me a person who can tell fibs to myself, every quitdate I ever made I sabotaged, every pack I did the dumpster dance with I just replaced. I was hopeless with quitdates. I stopped pretty much on the spot after I smoked all my cigs and half my neighbors. I stayed on the patch ten days and quit that, went through the rest of the withdrawals, but those ten days gave me time to accept that I wasn't smoking. You know if you can keep a quitdate, that's great, to those of you who can not, don't. Quitdates are only important after the fact when you start celebrating every minute your quit, then you have a point of reference. I am living proof that you don't need either a quit date or a plan, but you must quit, there are just way to many reasons to not smoke, its killing you and people around you one puff at a time. But you know that cuz you're here. So the story doesn't change, no quitdate, no plan, no dumpster dance, just quit, came to quitnet, got mad, met Moon and we did it together, that's my story and eight years later its still the truth. The change? Its far easier then it used to be, I can't even describe the freedom, you just have to experience it. Back to engaging in my materialistic addictions, I love the first step in the CR program which basically says we're powerless over everything, I was never materialistic until I quit smoking lol. But I'm getting a computer, well in parts and then its going to get put together downtown cuz there's no way its gonna happen here, too dusty and static, but its exciting. Those newbies out there, I promise you there is no better place to quit smoking then the Quitnet, no better time to quit then right now, this minute, no better way to quit then the way that works for you, and its all possible with a little help from some friends who are doing the same. Its not easy for a while but worth every second, and its these hard times that are gonna make you think twice before deciding to try again when life gets easier and it will.  Thank Q :) God bless you guys, Love Ya! ((((((((((((((((((Moon))))))))))))))))) ((((((((((((Jeri))))))))))) and everyone else too. Sorry for the patchy ramble lol, I'm still shopping mentally. :) hugs, Carla

OA forum .journal entry

There is strife in OA forum, and for once I am beginning to see the logic Quitnet used years ago when things blew up.

1.) this is a site for quitting smoking. There are other places for other things.
2.)We at OA are NO different then anyone else quitting smoking! We are not UNIQUE! AA would call this attitude terminal uniqueness, and it is suggested we don't entertain it. Like it or not, we are part of the overall community of quitters here at Quitnet.
3I.) believe we should be allowed anniversaries, at least the list in one post. But we don't need 5 or six posts that aren't even quit related, all of that stuff could be put in one post, and let people read it.
3.) the people who are causing the problems to begin with are still there, and need to be either removed, or dealt with by admin.


It is my belief that anyone can quit, but if they don't want to they won't. I don't believe in supporting the slipper, and anyone with any kind of program would know this is enabling. And its bad for the person still smoking. It should be stopped,.

Here comes the sun! Yeah 2800 days :)

Here comes the sun! Yeah 2800 days :)
From CouragetoChange on 3/4/2010 5:21:52 PM
I had no idea that 2800 days was equal to 92 months lol. Ok so remember that beer song we use to sing when messed up, well some of us lol, I reworded it, and its kind of silly, but it goes something like this,

91 months of quit on the wall, 91 months of quit
you take it down and pass it around
92 months of quit on the wall..........lol ok thats silly.

I have no ramble, have not been here so much lately, been camped at facebook though not always there either, sometimes at youtube, sometimes not in the house. Spring is cominng and the sun is out and almost warm, we got daylight again, and for a little while we'll have both daylight and nighttime, then it will swing into full daylight, and no body dare complain in case we get tossed into darkness early!
I'm quit and sober, and I can't think of a better way to go through the day. It was really hard for a long time, then it wasn't anymore, I am still grateful! Don't ever want to go through that again, and maybe more important, its one less thing between me and God, and that makes it easier to talk to God, and hear some of what he says to me, which is cool.

I love my quit! Hang in if you're still having a hard time, I can not explain the freedom, what it feels like, its just totally... its a little like when you realized you didn't have to drink again and the the steps were working in your life instead of having to sweat through them like the beginning. After a while, your quit will work for you and you get to enjoy lots of great days.
I was in a church the other night and the pastor said the c word, I almost cracked up.

Ok back to my little song...
91 months of quit on the wall, 91 months of quit
you take one down and pass it around
92 months of quit on the wall............... Ok I'm done.

God bless you, ktq! Have a great day.

Hugs
Carla

90 Months

I have not been at Quitnet much lately, Quitnet is also at the facebook, and I seem to be there a lot and checking into the Q there, which is no excuse for not being here.

You know, I don't think much of New Years resolutions, cuz for me it was always just a day then back to the same old stuff, so I don't put much faith in it. What I do have a lot of hope and faith in, of course first my God...but also a true commitment to a quit, which is what a person needs to make it. Its not easy, and for me and my buddy, it took months. Those silent qmails we get, I could hear and feel the pain she felt and I know she could hear and feel mine. There's no getting around it, something that has to be experienced and it is for the good all though it doesn't feel like it. A lot of people are starting out, a lot won't stick with it. Some of you want it bad enough that you're willing to do whatever it takes, that's the people who will succeed. At some point the quit becomes more valuable then the addiction, when there comes a mental, emotional, and spiritual change in a person that turns the course they're on. Me and Moon reached that point together, and I know I could not have made it without her.

I swear by quit buds, but there's a catch to it, both have to be willing to do their part to help the other succeed, in the process both succeed.... See More

Today I am a non smoker, while I understand that I can never have just one, the act of smoking is in my past, and today I live in the spirit of recovered. No I don't assume I am recovered, because part or recovery is the continuation of growth, but the spirit of being recovered, I'm in God's hands, and I am safe, protected, and if I let go I won't fall. And I am truly grateful for all that I've experienced during my quit, each day forward was a day towards no pain, and though during, I wasn't sure I wanted to believe it, I wanted it. And I can promise anyone who's not so sure, it does pass, you do reach another day closer until one day you realize you aren't thinking about smoking, or quitting, you're just living your life, quit.

If we really want to be smoke free we can be. I just want to encourage those just starting out to stick close, stay strong, and yup, in your weakest moments you might be surprised how strong you are, hold fast to your HP and your buds.

Special hugs to Moon and Frank, who both picked me up a few times and kicked my butt more then once, as well as all of you who have each been a part of this 90 months at some point. I'm going forward a day at a time, hope you guys will too, I know you can.


2740 days turn 90 months at 7pm :)

2 minutes ago ·

Remembering...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZWeVMKpCM8Y

Eye on vision

 

Will be in for eye surgery this coming Tuesday and Thursday. After doing a pressure spike test today, I should enough spikes to cause concern, though not as serious as some. But I opted anyway for the surgery now instead of just letting it go. This is a type of glaucoma that can be prevented. My take on it, prevent it!

I wonder how much my smoking had to do with it, if it contributed to my overall eye health. I probably can assume it did, since its bad for everything else. Well today I don't have to worry about that. Thanks to the Quitnet and the Qmmunity that makes it possible to quit and ktq. God bless you guys. Have a good night.

First post, Migration

July 04
7 year ramble
Whoa... the sun is setting again in

Alaska, and tonight its bright red

going behind the hills I can see out

my window to the north. Ahh..

sosltice is past, and we face another

winter in darkness. But not before

summer is truely gone, and fall has

made its short, but sweet appearance.

This is the story of July in Alaska.

The sun is slowly going down, and I

look forward to an annual anny. Not

doing much for one important reason,

it would be cruel and inhumane to

leave Charcoal in this heat we're

having right now, indoors with not

much coming in, in the way of a

breeze, but we might wander down

where I know I can sneak him in for a

quick minute and grab an ice rage and

a cookie. I was going to go to a

service of worship which would have

taken me too far away to come home

easily, but I know God understands

responsibility to critters. One

quarter left to go... sun going to

sleep for a couple hours. I tend to

greive this time of year knowing that

soon... well yeah.. but not yet..

I have been snappy lately, and I have

to apologize for indirectly sniping

at people, I truly do understand it

takes what it takes. A few years

ago... I was seven months into a quit

when by choice, I lost my quit and 17

years of sobriety, just like that,

puff... gone. So when I reached 7

months in this quit, i got squirrly,

and people kept writing telling me I

didn't have to fall again at 7

months, and I made it through,

thought that jinx idea was behind me,

but coming up on this anny, I've had

smoking dreams, using dreams, and

general jumpyness. Never felt the

need to pick up, but in the

background, and effecting how I tried

to relate to people. I am glad to be

passing it.

That said, wow 7 years smokefree, at

least to me is mind blowing, I never

said I'd make it one month, let alone

seven years. Nicless used to tell me

about the small milestones that help

make the quit keep going, wise words,

and its truth, its easier now to kind

of sail, but early on, a few days

here, a few days there and celebrate

your accomplishments.

For those of you out there struggling

with quitdates and failing, I did not

have a quitdate, I tried for a year

to make and keep quitdates, only to

smoke within days, hours after

quitting, I'd tear that patch off and

smoke, that simple, nothing caused

it... I just couldn't do it. I got

tired of failing, and so I stopped

making quit dates, and I stopped

failing. I knew about two days ahead,

and only through a foggy haze, (had

been up two days downloading music)

that I was going to quit on the

4th...why? I got stupid for a while,

here's God at work, I thought

everything was closed the 4th, and as

tired as I was if I had no money, I

wasn't going to hunt down an atm and

then find a liquor store to buy

smokes... so I knew at least I

wouldn't smoke that day... But before

I put on the patch, I smoked every

cig I had in my possession, and then

I went and tried to smoke all of my

neighbors, I had no intention of

quitting until there was no more.

When that happened, 2 1/2 days up, I

put on the patch, and at 7pm, went to

bed. I haven't smoked since. The main

thing was the next day, I knew I

needed help if I were to have a

chance and I came to the Q. Kicking,

screaming, cussing at most people,

angry and paranoid, suffered from

CSR, still do..yeah quitting does

strange things to people. But I

decided I was going to ride this one

out, and I moved out of the drivers

seat, God took over. I tried to edge

God out, but part of me hung on.

Me and Moon hooked up at 16 days and

we've been buddies since. Was so

hard, we went from anny to anny, just

hold on a little longer, made it to

the den to go to bed a winner each

night, but it was hard, it hurt so

much. She kept hold of me and I

couldn't smoke, because if I did, she

might fall, and I couldn't be

responsible for that. So I didn't

smoke, she didn't smoke, we stayed

smober together, somehow, God willing

and God given... grace.

At some point all that pain that I

asocciated with having to smoke over,

seperated from having to be smoked

over.. oh its still there, I mean

life is still there, the pains, the

great joys, the ability to live smoke

free, sober, not thinking constantly

about either smobriety, or smoking,

but just living. I call it living my

quit, but I realize now that from day

one, I have lived my quit, and owned

my quit, hugged it, made it who I am,

now I am what it is, quit, free.

I have no new wisdom, oh thats kind

of bold.. ok... no new ideas to pass

on here, my story has not changed.

You have to do what works for you, if

you can't do the quitdate system,

don't, and don't let people make you

feel like a loser cuz its not working

for you, or try and railroad you into

something that doesn't work for you.

Look, I quit without a quitdate,

stayed on the patch ten days and

stopped, changed my name at last

three times, did a lot the things I

probably should not have done, and

still here, smoke free a few hours

short of 7 years. Do what works for

you, you will quit when you get sick

and tired of being sick and tired,

and your only option is to

surrender... then you will quit... my

only advise here... don't wait till

you've hit a physical bottom.. I

don't have COPD... but have a hard

time breathing in winter, cuz i

smoked too long.

Moonchaser, I have never been more

proud of you, you have beat more odds

then many people ever face in a

lifetime, even after the hard part of

qutting is over, your ability to live

life in stride, in joy and sadness

and all inbetween, if I could achieve

such serenity, even when there is

none... I am honored to have walked

this far with you... lets keep going,

one step, one day at a time.

To everyone here, Thank Q! Moon,

Frank, Jeri, Lisa, the collective

wisdom of this place, My higher power

who I know is Jesus today. I found a

verse in the bible, actually its in

the old testement, but the term Baal

Perazim.. it means the God who breaks

through... I read that and went

yeah.. that's what happened. Knocked

my on my rear, literally.

Find a quitbud within a few days of

your quitdate, don't just become quit

buds, become quit partners..best

friends, place your trust there and

make the commitment to do everything

within your power to help each other

stay quit.... you are responsible, at

least to an extent, for each others

quit, honor that, live that, honor

each other, become insepertable!


It takes a while, but I promse when

it gets good, it gets fantastic! Hold

out till you get there, a day at a

time, nothing more, and when you do

shout it so others know its true. Be

good to yourselves, be good to each

other... we're all a work in

progress, God's not finished with us

yet.. we were meant to win, and we

will.

This is soooooooooo long! Sorry!

God bless.. Have a great day, Happy

and safe Independence Day!

Thank you Moon and Neel for the

wonderful posts. Love you guys.
This is early cuz the moment to write

struck, so there it is lol.

hugs,
Carla

Quit 7 yrs at 7pm 7/4/09 /sober 9

.....I'm jumpin'!


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Health and wellness
October 08
75 month ramble
75 month ramble
From CouragetoChange on 10/6/2008

5:53:49 PM
Its good to be here in this place.

Particularity a forum in the Q that I

get to focus on smoking as a part of

my overall disease and that it can be

conquered with the same principles.

Nope I don't do the conquering, God

does that part, and he does it

through you, and he has in my quit

done it through Bill and Bob, and

many of the people who contributed to

the big book, as well as everyone

here at the Quitnet.

I clearly remember my early days,

mainly because I was so pissed off

its hard to forget. I laugh now at my

silly behavior and work to never

become that angry again at anyone or

anything. Anger is a great motivator,

but it is SO painful! I'd suggest

trying acceptance of what is and

doing your best to do the next right

thing, if you're in early quit, its

just not smoking now.

Moonchaser wrote to me one day, I had

seen her in chat and already I didn't

like her because she had a better

name then me. At the time my name was

caisy. But I had already signed up at

a couple of groups outside the Q

where there wasn't a lot of activity

going on at that time, perfect place

to find a reason to relapse, I had

already slipped, my recovery from

smoking had lost its priority and I

wasn't using any of the principles

I'd learned in recovery from our 12

step programs, no tolerance, zero

acceptance of anything and of course

not a drop of humility, slip to

relapse was right around the corner

when I got her qmail. Ha had I known

I was talking to a long time Al anon

I might not have wrote back. She was

the quit bud I needed most. She wrote

one day in response to something I

said, saying look, I don't know if

I'll be here in two days. I decided

she would be, which meant I had to

be. So the real journey began. It was

not easy, but I had great company.

We're two days apart in time, which

couldn't be better. And I have to say

that the company has gone from 2, to

so many to include all who are

recovering here from not only

nicotine, but the whole of this

disease.

At some point we go from becoming ex

smokers, to being ex smokers, then to

becoming non smokers to being non

smokers, and eventually it doesn't

really matter, because we just aren't

smokers at all. It slips right out of

our lives if we hang in there and

strive to live different, better and

help others. I Know I've been lacking

in that area somewhat. Frank is one

of my consciousnesses here, has

reminded me to show up a bit more, so

at 75 months and two days or so, my

YET is still out there, and I'd

rather meet in in the middle of the

herd.

Just don't quit keeping the quit! You

know, one day at a time, less if you

need. NOPE was a little long for me

so I changed to to NOPT which isn't

as cute but an acceptable time frame

for me, at some point it really does

become NOPE, as long as we remember

to stay in today. I entered Other

Addictions forum broken and tired,

had not been to a meeting in five

years, came in after having lost a

quit and sobriety and done nothing

about it, and Other addictions and

Moon (OA made it easier I think)

helped me get back to meetings,

program, and living program, learning

how to again. So I know that if I

could be quit for 75 months, odaat,

you can be quit today and let those

days add up, and you have a lot of

people wanting to take your hand and

walk with you. Trust me, its what

keeps us quit as well as connecting

with a new person.. We're in a great

place!

Have a great day.
Thank God and you for my recovery.

Hugs,
Carla

75 months, 2 days + some hours quit
12:31 AM | Add a comment | Permalink

| Blog it | Health and wellness
July 21
Some thoughts
Some thoughts
From CouragetoChange on 7/20/2007

3:44:14 PM
Why is it that some people have to

have a plan to quit smoking?
And why is it that some people don't?
Is it because some people are

oriented towards order and some more

used to chaos and crisis? Dunno, its

hard to say because I've done two

good quits, the first one I made it

two seven months and lost not only my

quit but my sobriety as well. This

quit I was well into a dry high/drunk

when I decided to quit. Having kept

quit date after quit date only to

cave at the first sign of discomfort,

I was tired, I didn't want to quit

anymore.

The idea of total surrender, I don't

know, honestly for me its moment to

moment, serenity usually comes in

segments of maybe hours at a time God

willing, but I'm still practicing

surrender, complete that is. But in

the final days, the ongoing self

inflicted argument going on in my

head about whether to quit or not to

quit, the desire to go through

treatment for hep c, and those

nagging chest pains that leave you

thinking well this is it, and total

lack of any spiritual life and hunger

for, kind of pushed me into a corner

and finally the thought of, well

maybe this one will be

different........

Then realizing maybe it won't

be......

But how do you know......

Well I don't.........

And finally losing the argument and

deciding to go along for the ride.

Was not in the least spiritual as I

know it today, but it was the most

spiritual thing I could do at the

moment. It worked and I'm here 5

years later.

So why write this? Cuz I want people

to know that no matter how you quit,

you can always keep the quit. Working

the steps, applying the principles

always helps, but if you're not

working them at the moment thats ok

too, as long as you give GOD a

fighting chance and stay out of the

way of his work, he'll let you know

when he needs your help.

Remember recovery is as much an

option as smoking, choose well!

I feel very grateful to be here and

smober and back in meetings as a

result of the pain I found myself in

as a result of quitting! The benefits

have no end.

Hang in there.

hugs
Carla
1841 days quit
7 yrs dry
1841 days active recovery



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Blog it | Health and wellness
July 07
My 5 Year ramble
I had tried to think what I wanted to

say to everyone or my 5 year

anniversary. Moonchaser did such a

great job of the history, the

challanges and changes and finally to

this day success. She made the first

and most important difference.

Because at 16 days we're spinning,

you know its a new thing and all of a

sudden we're supposed to learn to

feel without smoking. And thats hard

because most us would smoke rather

then deal head on with the hard

stuff, me included. And thats why I

was so angry for so long.
Its hard to start a new recovery

while on a dry bender from an old

recovery that you're trying to

discard rather then swallow the pride

and shame and just go back and admit

to a relapse, start again, but nope

pride was too big to swallow, and you

know I never had any pride to swallow

so why start now.

Those were the conditions of my early

quit, and when I began to feel,

everything broke loose. The first

emotion was being majorly pissed off.

Had not been to a meeting in years,

had sat and smoked for five years and

hung out and lived in denial.
I had no idea Moon was an al anon, if

I had I would probably have avoided

her from the beginning, but she found

me when I was feeling pinned and

angry and tired of yelling at people

via qmail. Sometimes I think I felt

that sense of sernity that neither of

us at the time had, but that in

program we strive for, something

about her asking me what was wrong,

so I wrote back, kind of yelled at

her, trying to point out that its not

any of your business lol. I got a

reply of compassion, understanding

and acceptence, when I couldn't even

do that for myself or anyone else.

But she did for me.

She also insisted on living HER life,

because she had her own problems,

somehow, it made me step back to hear

her pain, she gave me back my

humanity, she showed me things I had

never seen, pain I don't ever want to

feel, and courage to go through it

and not smoke, not hate, not carry

resentments for five months. I

learned so much, we're two days

apart, but she was not running from

the one program that had saved her

life cuz her character defects were a

little gone awry, I was and had to

stop. I did eventually.
My friend Frank kicked my butt back

into meetings where I felt really

stupid for a moment there to find out

other people relapsed and were always

welcomed back. I knew that but you

know when you're unique the rules

don't apply lol. I am forever

grateful for someone who is willing

to demand the truth.

Theres been so many people in my quit

have made a huge difference, and

collectively its everyone. This,

whether you're working a 12 step

program or making your way through

the quit any other way, its still a

WE program.
There is no reason for anyone to lose

a quit while using the Quitnet, all

the support is here, everything

anyone needs to stay quit if you

really want it. I am fortuntate that

I was already 1 day quit when I

showed up. I knew if I was gonna keep

it going I needed help so ignored

what I believed were webugs at the

time, maybe there are, i no longer

care, and signed up.
Moonchaser stresses quitbuds, close

quitbuds. And I say something along

the lines that if the person is more

then a month behind you, your 12

stepping them, if they're more then a

month a head of you, they're 12

stepping you, and thats awesome and

necessary, all of us are necessary.

But find someone right where you are,

no one is going to understand how you

feel more. Commit to that person, to

their quit as well as your own and do

everything in your power to help them

keep their quit, whatever happens, in

the process we keep our own through

helping the other.

Moon and I, one of us could have gone

out, but we were so concerned about

devestating the other that we stayed,

painfully so for a long time. Today,

life hurts, life smiles, life does

what life does, but smoking is hardly

even a thought. It was worth the

hardships, and we have proven the

hardships can be lived through, and

we have proven after so many who have

come before us, that they pass.
I am grateful for my quit, my

sobriety, HP, the Qmmunity, the

online nica meetings I get to once in

a while. I stay at the Q cuz its my

fuel stop for a smoke free day, your

support and love and esh are the

stuff a smoke free day begins with.

Hang on to each other, stay in this

day, fear and worry hang out in

yesterday and tomorrow, but in this

moment, all you gotta do is not smoke

and hang onto your buddy.

Have a great day,
Thanks for my smobriety,
and my sobriety too.

Hugs
Carla
5 Years/16 hours quit.









8:08 PM | Add a comment | Permalink |

Blog it | Health and wellness
A poem from my friend
From Recoverykat on 7/4/2007 9:07:13

AM
Of forever summer
days
On winters long
long nights,
We talked
even held
hands
at the Q.

She listened
to my pain
I listened to her
anger.

We held
eachother
cried and yelled
even at the
moon

Time
and over time
I watched
her grow
again
find love again

I witnessed
her service
too countless wayfarers
on this path

Some make it
many many don't

Yet she is steady
now
a firm
Rock in this sea of sand.


KTQ
Frank
8:03 PM | Add a comment | Permalink |

Blog it
July 05
5 Years.... A tribute from a precious

friend, a gift
My past is my past and all though it

might be
confusing, it is below and going from

early to
later, then the top is today. I am

not who I
was any more at least usually lol. So

today is
July 4th 2007. My anny gift of many

from my
quitbud Moonchaser, who without her I

would
not be here today and quit.
COURAGETOCHANGE GOES INTO HALL OF
FAME!!!
From Moonchaser on 7/4/2007 3:35:36

AM
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((C

arla)))))))))
)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
Once upon a time, while on the verge

of losing
my mind at the beginning of yet

another quit, I
stumbled onto a creature who called

herself
Caisy back then. She was meaner than

a junk
yard dog. Alienating men and women

alike in
Chat, creating more enemies on an

hourly basis
than I'd ever seen before. She was

fascinating!!
(I'm an Alanon, what can I say??) And

though
she sort of scared me, something made

me
step up and speak to her. She didn't

like that
much, but for some reason she spoke

back and
pretty soon we had a dialog going. No

doubt
about it, this person and I seemed to

be from
different worlds. But, when we began

sharing
some of the hurts that were laid bare

during
the throes of a quit, we were more

alike than
we'd ever have known at first glance.

Both of
us had been deeply hurt and were

doing the
best we could to just keep poking

along and
keeping our heads above water.
We became Quit Buddies. Holding on to

each
other so tight with her in Alaska and

me in
California. Q-mail spanned that gap

quite
nicely every day. Thanks to Carla, we
celebrated every anny, big and small.

Slowly
we were building a stable quit with

no puffs,
no slips, no relapses allowed. Though

neither
of us thought we'd make it very far,

pretty
soon there we were at six months, a

year, and
good grief we just kept right on not

smoking
and racking up more time not smoked

and
becoming the closest of friends.

LaVerne and
Shirely, Thelma and Louise, Beanie

and Cecil
would all have been envious.
We weren't considered a good bet in

those
early days. In fact no sane person

would have
bet on us making it. We were kind of

like
ghetto people, outcasts that no one

wanted to
be caught talking to. We had been

failures, quit
our quits too many times. Then slowly

but
surely I see people writing nice

things about
Caisy/Lucy/Couragetochange!! Seemed

she'd
been helping a lot of people climb

out of that
nasty old place we all come from when

we first
quit. She was becoming downright
respectable!!! So many tell of how

she's gone
out of her way to help others, she

has become
a legend here on the Q. And she

deserves every
single good thing said about her.
Carla, I'm so glad I scratched that

angry
veneer you were wearing when we first

met,
risking life and limb to do it. :-) I

found
someone so kind and good I'm certain

God
sent you to help me quit smoking in

time to
retain some of my sanity. You are

more of an
example than many people here even

know,
toting so much of your own baggage

while
doing what you do for the rest of us.
So.... it's time to celebrate big

time!!!
Chocolate doesn't seem like quite

enough,
although for me it would have to be

included.
We both bought new computers last

year, it
would be hard to top that! LOL!

Whatever you
do to celebrate, keep in mind that

you are so
loved here on the Q and you know I

couldn't be
prouder of you! Congratulations!
Love You Lots!
Hugs
Marilyn/Moonchaser
5 yrs. 2 days
[button: ReplyReply to this message |

button:
Add to my LibraryAdd to my library]

RE: COURAGETOCHANGE GOES INTO HALL OF
FAME!!!
From CouragetoChange on 7/4/2007

4:25:01
AM
(((((((((((((Moon))))))))))))))))
I was just coming in to qmail you to

ask if I
could break your anonymity......
I guess since you did I can......
I think maybe I should sneak back out

and
pretend I wasn't here......
I don't know what to say!....
Little red faced.........
Never felt so honored.......
We are a great team, Neither of us

would have
knowingly picked the other had we

been given
a choice of quit buds, but then what

did we
know anyway? You understood where I

came
from, I knew that when I got your

first qmail,
dunno how, I just did, not that I

knew I did so
it was a risk to write back and open

up a
little..... but then it turned otu

you were an al
anon, what a relief, finally some

body! Now
your my bestest of all the best

quitbuds in the
whole world everywhere and a

wonderful
friend I hope one day to meet and do

an anny
in person..... we can do it on the

third, thats
between 2 and 4 right? God bless you
(((((((((((Marilyn))))))))))))).
Thank you so much for this

tribute/anny post
kind of thing.
Ok now I wanna go cry ok? They're

happy
tears, feeling very blessed. Love you

lots!
Hugs
Carla~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I wanted to copy and past all the

responses,
and I still might but wanted to

remember this,
it is so much more then I ever

thought I
deserved, I am so grateful for such a

friend and
can not say how important finding

such a
person in quit is to success. Love

you
((((((((Moon)))))))))))))
12:37 AM | Add a comment | Permalink

| Blog it | Health and wellness
Profile Stuff

I made a change around here, anther

name
change! lol, not my screen name

exactly, but
my first name. When I came to the Q,

I wasn`t
used to going to sites where people

trusted
each others. So used lucy which is

part of the
name my birth parents gave me. But

Carla is
the name my adopted parents gave me,

and
the name I want to use, (now that I

know its
pretty safe lol)
I kept lucy because a person who said

he was
my friend got upset when I wanted to

change
it. I didn`t realize until later that

it was an
attempt to control anther person. But

today I
understand it and refuse to play.

Went to a
coda meeting last night and I can

relate to all
of it. Anyway this was supposed to be

short
and sweet lol.
Yeah the name, my name is Carla and I

am an
alcoholic and suffer from the disease

of
addiction inlcuding nicotine, and co

addiction,
spending and eating. Today I am free

from
nicotine and drugs and drinking.
You can be too. Don`t ever give up

because
anyone can stop smoking and its the

best thing
you can do for yourself.



*************************

my blog
http://charcoalnme.blogspot.com/

This profile is way too long, so I`ve

continued
it on my blogger.
I hate profiles, and right now isn`t

a great time
to fill one out..
Lucy for now was only a temporary

name, I got
to the door and my brain went on

vacation so I
said well shit... anyway this is the

name I`d
like to use, God grant me te serenity

to accept
the things I can not change, the

courage to
change the things I can, and the

wisdom to
know the difference.
Anyway.. just me, Lucy

ok so whats all the anger about? It

seems silly,
and probably in the end it will be

accepted as
what it really is, feeling hurt, the

rightious
indignation is fun but not healthy.
A friend here in town is going

through some
personal stuff in his life, me being

another
program person tries to lend support,

and
now I feel that my relationship to

this person,
supposedly a friend is becoming

abusive.
makes me angry. Thats what it boils

down to.
Be glad when it passes, meantime its

not going
to take my sun away, we hardly get

sunlight in
alaska, so I`ll take what there is,

and my quit
is my quit, I keep that too. thanks

to quitnet,
espeically the oa forum, some very

special ppl
in that little section of qn.
12:35 AM | Add a comment | Permalink

| Blog it | Health and wellness
Stuff more 6 Months
*********************************
Lucy4now profile... Just moving it

over :-)

except for whats here, at least for

now, there is
no profile, I erased it until I can

in good
conscious put it back.
There is nothing wrong with it, but I

am going
through changes, and likely not to be

the best
example of the 12 step programs I

belong to.
for that reason, I delete most of my

profile.
Do I really have to qualify myself as

a damn
smoker? I mean thats the most

rediculas thing
I`ve every thought of, but then not

everyone is
a smoker, thats good but that wasnt

me most
of the time, and its still not me cuz

those ppl
are `normies` Maybe they arent, but

they arent
what I am either.
we got a few of those frikkin
nevermind thats just another rant and

I`m
gonna save it for a better moment.
I smoked, drank and used, since I was

11 years
old, I got sober in 84, got sober and

had a
good program going, (I got sober

before I quit
smoking )and was raped and died, that

life
died. I havent yet healed, getting

the
chemicles out of my system have left

alot of
raw spots, open wounds that once were
covered, and things that werent

covered when
I did my steps before, cuz I could

avoid them.
for the first time there is light at

the end of the
tunnel.
My friends you know who you are, you

have
watched me ride this damn quit and
sometimes, many times you`ve held

onto me
when I was going to fall. Sometimes I

did fall,
one of you if not more were always

there to
catch me. I love you guys so much.

I`m still
sane and quit, because you were there

for me.
You still are, maybe thats the best

part, cuz
anyone who can do what you do, be

what you
are, you are all couragous, more so

then most
ppl, and I`m proud and privilaged to

call you
friends.

I dont do the mi... l I have to be

responsible
for my actions if I want to stay

sober and that
is a rant that I will have to make

amends for...
but nothing in the bigbook requires I

be ppl
pleas.. never mind.. well it was a

good rant
too :(

ok life goes on
trust god and do whats in front of

you
me



******
When the future becomes the present

it is not
yet the past until you decide to let

it go. At
that point in time is when we shine.

This
`point in time` is happening millions

of times a
day with everyone of them being an
opportunity.
to my friend who sent this, thanks :)
*********
the eskimo story
there are these two guys drinking in

a bar in
alaska
an athiest and the others a religous

man
they start talking about god and the

atheist
guy
says I gave your god a chance to

prove himself
once
and he didnt do it.
religious man says in what manner
the atheist says well I was lost

about 6 miles
from
here and I was caught in a blizzard

and I was
stuck in the snow
and there was no way out
and the religious man says well you

must
believe
you`re here
the athiest says no some eskimo came

and
showed be the
way back to town.

technically 7pm but Ill make it
6 month ramble
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hi Everyone, my name is Carla and I

am an
alcoholic, a drug addict, and a

nicotine addict.
at present I am a practicing non user

of any
such substances.
when I stopped smoking, I stopped

going to
meetings fearing I would give into

smoking
again, thus I stopped working my

program, at
least very well.
I used to be here under a different

name.
My quit for the most part of 4 months

was
incredibly easy for the most part,

alot of good
ppl around me, and I was moving

along, except
I was going nowhere at all, just

running in
circles smiling enough to keep most

everyone
at arms length. I didnt know I hurt,

I only
knew I didn`t want you to see whats

inside of
me.
by five months I was totally insane

no longer
being able to stuff what hurt inside.

I had to
look at it. I believed that you could

see it too
and I felt so much shame and guilt

for not
being good enough, for how I had

lived, for
being beaten as a child, for being

attacked as
an adult. I only knew I would keep

striking
out, and for that I was beginning to

hate
myself. and I knew if it continued I

would
smoke. so I left here. I believe now

it was
meant to be......
to stay in contact with others in

recovery, I
signed up with a 12 step step study

group at
yahoo, and promptly began recieving

anti
tobacco political stuff in my inbox.

I got pissed
off and sent them in a copy of the 12
traditions, making note in paticular

tradition
ten, and requested a group concious,

needless
to say they quit talking to me,

*sigh*
so again here I am, and grateful to

be here.
this is a great place to be if your

quitting
smoking, what was wrong was in me,

not here.
people places and things. If you are

using the q
to learn to be a practicing non

smoker, or any
other kind of non smoker, stick

around, get all
the other information you can get

because its
invaluable, but keep coming back and

ktq.
......I hit a bottom. I didnt

conciously do my
first step, I just did it, but just

to make sure
I`ve written again about it, because

anytime
something major happens I start my

journey
again, because my life changes at

that point.
Sanity returned, and I really smiled

deeply, the
committie for one small moment shut

up, and I
had a vision of a woman standing on a

railway
track and a train coming, and it

occured to me
that if she just moved out of the

way, the train
wouldnt hit her. I got off the

railway track. I
still feel inferior to you, but I

have to let it go
every day, at that point, it becomes

non of my
business.
the second step, by the grace of god

and with
no help from me happened again.
this isnt where i stop, just where i

stop writing
about it.
I am grateful I stuck it through long

enough
for the miracle, this is just one of

many to
come. Please dont give in to your

cravings and
desires to smoke.
hang in for the miracles, they do

happen. Six
months smober, if i peek at the

future, I see
positive things happening, and I look

forward,
one day at a time, to getting there,

and
growing along the way. I wish the

same for all
of you, and a very happy 2003.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
July Freedom Fighters
JFFers
plumbcrazy
datasmurf
hillgirl
yatlady
davebx
jenne1017
shaody
missdeenee
taostie
feeters
dahbu
BEAGLESPIKE
BillFreads
Gransmashilton
Alan68
micjor
CaneMstr
Dee1
McQuaid
moron
Bluesdogtwo (sp)
mikeb380
MommaKae
sedmen
Irish
scamp414
12 step club and oa forum
Sending big

((((((((((hugs)))))))))))) too all
(((((((((((Moonchaser ))))))))
((((((((((((AlphaBL1))))))))))
(((((((((((((( andy2))))))))))
Moonchaser and AlphaBL1 and andy2

were
there early on and with out knowing

each
other that I know of, held the net

that I fell
into, I think now we take turns

holding the net
for each other lol.
My friends you know who you are, you

have
watched me ride this damn quit and
sometimes, many times you`ve held

onto me
when I was going to fall. Sometimes I

did fall,
one of you if not more were always

there to
catch me. I love you guys so much.

I`m still
sane and quit, because you were there

for me.
You still are, maybe thats the best

part, cuz
anyone who can do what you do, be

what you
are, you are all couragous, more so

then most
ppl, and I`m proud and privilaged to

call you
friends.
my new friends, I cant tell you how

grateful I
am for you, only that I am.
~~~~~~~~~~
in trying to give something back to

the q, some
uncomfortable feelings occured,

dislikes,
anger, took place that I`m not proud

of. I
came in here with 12 step principles

and forgot
the rest of the world didnt use them,

and
became frustrated. I dont do a good

job of
giving back here, maybe one day I

will.
but to those of you I alienated, and

or hurt, in
paticular nicless,
but also any others, my apologies

are given
here, I hope you will accept it, but

that part is
up to you..... I let it go.

..........I have work to
do.
I do not apologize for bad spelling

and
pucntiuation and typos. I do

apologize for this
being so damn long (sorry)
~~~~~~~~~~~
this is only my story, probably makes

no sense
at all, still, I pray that you guys

won`t go
through anything like this, that you

will go on
to become happy substancefree ppl,

that the
worst thing any of you will have to

face is
whats for dinner. in which case the

right frozen
dinner will appear and you will have

a working
microwave in which to cook it.

Reality sucks
when your in pain, LIVE through it,

it passes
and when the sun comes out, its

better and
brighter then you`ve seen it in a

very long time
and so worth the the effort you will

have to
put in. dont look back. Live for

today, its all
you have, its your choice to live as

a slave or
free, choose free. after a while it

becomes
habit :-)
~~~~~~~~~~
6 months
july 4, 2002 babies
duanew
WXman
jacquot
ECU
DaveBx
hucktom
marylee57
JeanBar
and me
Congrats!!!!
~~~~~~~~~~
Its my sincere wish, that anyone

living a day of
smobriety
celebrate it, reward yourself in some

small or
not so small, way of
how well you`re doing, and use it to

mark yet
another day.
my favorite thing is pizza, yours

maybe
something else, go for it.
~~~~~~~~~~
thank you for being part of my

smobriety.
God Bless You.
ktq,
sending hugs,
Carla
aka
Lucy4now
aka
caisy
~~~~~~~~~~~
Today`s thought is:
Should you shield the valleys from

the
windstorms, you would never
see the beauty of their canyons.
-- Elisabeth Kubler-Ross


**********************
yet another eskimo story
because if I dont remember that god

works
through ppl I`m gonna be in lots of

trouble,
and because I love these stories.
****************
Guy`s in his house when horrendous

rains
come up, the water starts rising, and

before
you know it, we`re talking major

flood. Roads
are covered. Nothing`s moving.
Pretty soon, a boat comes along. Guy

in the
boat yells, `Come on - we`re hereto

save you.
Get in the boat.`
Guy says, `No...I`ve got faith that

God will
save me.` The boat leaves. The water

keeps
rising. The guy is forced up the

second floor of
his house by the flood waters.
Another boat comes along. The guy in

the boat
yells, `Come on! It`s getting worse.

If you
don`t get in the boat, you`re going

to drown.`
The guy says, `No...I`ll be ok. I`ve

got faith in
God that he`ll save me.` The boat

leaves.
Water`s rising. The guy`s on the

roof. A
helocopter hovers overhead and the

pilot
shouts through the loudhailer, `This

is your
last chance. Climb up the ladder. If

you don`t
come now you`re going to drown.`
The guy says no,thanks. `God will

save me.`
The pilot shrugs his shoulders and

splits.
The water rises. The guy drowns.

Ascends to
the pearly gates. He asks St.Peter,

`What
happened? I`ve been devoted to God

and had
absolute faith that he would save me.

Why did
he let me down?
And St. Peter tells him, `What the

hell do you
want?

God *sent* ya two boats and a

helicopter!`

****************
course one of my biggest overlooks is

the fact
that the ppl I cant stand the most

are also
eskimos put in my path to remind me

that from
time to time, and thats most of the

time, I`m
still holding on to old stuff.
God I cant stand those ppl, they make

me so
damn pissed off.. but in quiet

moments of
reflection I realize these things.

of course
nothing can screw up my serentity

faster lol..
Damn it I have far to go.
thank god for the eskimos I find

really like.
I like to look at recovery as a

whole, not as in
parts, I understand the singleness of

purpose
in recovery, but singleness of

purpose does not
fix me when it comes to personal

recovery
because I am cross addicted zigzagged

across
the board and all over the damn

place.. so in
my own recovery.. I must allow

recovery for
the whole person.
thats why I dont only speak of

smoking in this
joint, smoking isnt my problem unless

I
smoke.. I AM MY PROBLEM, smoking is

only a
manifastation (sp?) of my problem,

just like
drugs and drinking.
I`m my own worst enemy, left to my

own
devices I will kill myself, with

something.
see my hp knows this. thats why I`m

not alone
on this road.
I thank all of you, even those I am

not in total
agreement with.. for walking with

me.
I QUESTION AUTHORITY... sometimes I

speak
too loudly, maybe one day it I`ll

finally let go
of that defect, if indeed it is one.
ktq
God Bless
Lucy

***********
The Lord is my sponsor, I shall not

want.
He maketh me go to many meetings.
He leadeth me to sit back, relax and

listen with
an open mind.
He restoreth my soul, my sanity and

health.
He leadeth me in paths of serenity

and
fellowship for my sake.
He teacheth me to think, take it

easy, to live
and let live, and
do first things first.
He maketh me honest, humble and

grateful.
He teacheth me to accept the things I

cannot
change,
to change the things I can, and

giveth me the
wisdom
to know the difference.
Yea, though I walk through the valley

of
despair, frustration,
guilt and remorse, I will fear no

evil.
For thou art with me.
The program, the way of life, the

twelve steps,
they comfort me.
Thou prepatest a table before me in

the
presence of mine
enemies - which are rationalization,

fear,
anxiety, selfpity,
and resentment.
Thou anointest my confused mind and

jangled
nerves with
knowledge, understanding, and hope.
No longer am I alone, neither am I

afraid or
sick or hopeless.
Surely serenity shall follow me every

day of my
life, 24 hours
at a time; as I surrender my will to

thee, and
carry the
message to others.
I will dwell in the house of the

Higher Power,
as I understand
Him, daily, forever and ever.

-- Anonymous


************
Today`s thought is:
When you can`t stand criticism you

learn to be
a perfectionist.
--Anonymous
It`s human to make mistakes and to

feel
incomplete. Perhaps if we were
all smooth plastic printouts we could

expect
perfection of ourselves.
Each man is actually a process. We

are not
things, but events--happenings--and

the
events are still unfolding. These are

our
creative
spiritual adventures.
We have somehow learned that openness

to
criticism is dangerous.
Perhaps we thought someone would not

like us
if we were wrong, or
that we would get hurt or belittled.

When we
live with a relationship to
our Higher Power, we can stand up for
ourselves. A man has a right to
make some mistakes! We grow more if

we
allow ourselves the leeway
of simply being in process.
I will not ask to have the power of

perfection. I
will only ask that I not
be alone in the process of living my

life.
***********
I need not name names, unless I am

asked to
do so.
I want to thank the person who wrote

this for
my for my six month anniversery.
If I could find the words to say how

much it
brought up and brings up my spirits,

they
would not be enough. thank you for

being
there for me, for sharing your wisdom

and
friendship with me. I am lucky to

have friends
like yourself. friends that are real.
gby
bgty
ktq
Lucy




~~~~~~~~~~~~

A.B.C. - Acceptance, Belief, Change
A.C.T.I.O.N. - Any Change Toward

Improving
One�s Nature
B.I.B.L.E. - Basic Instructions

Before Leaving
Earth
D.E.N.I.A.L. - Don�t Even Notice I

Am Lying
E.G.O. - Edging God Out
F.A.I.L.U.R.E. - Fearful, Arrogant,

Insecure,
Lonely, Unsure, Resentful, Empty
F.E.A.R. - Face Everything & Recover

/ Fuck
Everything & Run
False Expectations Appearing Real
F.I.N.E. - Fucked up, Insecure,

Neurotic &
Emotional
F.U.B.A.R. - Fixed Up (Fucked Up)

Beyond All
Recognition
G.O.D. - Good Orderly Direction
H.A.L.T. - Hungry, Angry, Lonely,

Tired
H.E.L.P. - Hope, Encouragement, Love,

Patience
H.O.W. - Honesty, Open-mindedness,
Willingness
S.L.I.P. - Sobriety Lost It�s

Priority / So
Long, I�m Perfect
S.O.B.E.R. - Son Of a Bitch,

Everything�s
Real
T.I.M.E. - Things I Must Learn

***********
The Second Ten Commandments
1. Thou shall not worry,

for worry is the
most unproductive of all human

activities.
2. Thou shall not be

fearful, for most of
the things we fear never come to

pass.
3. Thou shall not cross

bridges before
you come to them, for no one yet has
succeeded in

accomplishing this. ;)
4. Thou shall face each

problem as it
comes. You can only handle one at a

time
anyway.
5. Thou shall not take

problems to bed
with you, for they make very poor

bedfellows.
6. Thou shall not borrow

other people`s
problems. They can better care for

them than
you can.
7. Thou shall not try to

relive yesterday
for good or ill, it is forever gone.

Concentrate
on what is

happening in your life
and be happy now!
8. Thou shall be a good

listener, for
only when you listen do you hear

ideas
different from your

own. It is hard
to learn something new when you are

talking,
and some people do know more


than you do.
9. Thou shall not become

`bogged
down` by frustration, for 90% of it

is rooted in
self_pity and will

only interfere
with positive action.
10. Thou shall count thy

blessings,
never overlooking the small ones, for

a lot of
small blessings

add up to a big
one.

===============
12:33 AM | Add a comment | Permalink

| Blog it | Health and wellness
Nicotineism 6 Months I think

Nicotineism
addictism
alcoholism.... ism
they are all the same to me, the

insanity of
addiction lies in each one, and

sometimes the
insanity lies in recovery as well.

My NOT
smoking has been relatively easy,

whats lies
underneath the chemicals hasn`t been,

and yet
seeing it without the smokescreen is

one of
the best things about recovery from

nicotine so
far.
I came in here grateful for a place

to recover,
went through hard stuff, and again at

a place
of gratetude, There are ppl here I

have qualms
with , and even with serenity, sense

of inner
peace, I still have qualms with,

but at the
same time, I`m grateful, they helped

direct me
into my own stuff.. thus giving me

the
oppertunity to heal..
If you`re having a hard time whether

just
starting out or farther down the

road.. Stick it
out... you`ve heard it before, it

will pass with
or without smoking... smoking only

adds more
problems to your life, not smoking

and facing
whatever it is will leave you free

and stronger..
ignoring whats behind your triggers

will only
encourage you to continue the

behavour that
leads you to smoking, it is much

better to look
at whats causing the trigger, chances

are youl
find its how you precieve whats going

on at
that time, and usually some simple

action on
your part will put and end to it.

Learn to know
when you`re hungry, tired, anxious

or.. and
take appropriate actions .. smoking

is never an
appropriate action.. if you

practice a spiritual
program, use it.
You will never be sorry you didnt

smoke..
We are stronger then our addiction,

stronger
then our ism.. Dont give up..
Believe in yourselves and your

ability to stay
quit. You are all really doing

just great,
With the help and support of the 12

steps
fellowship(s) I belong to, practicing

the 12
steps, and some very good friends
here at the Q, and by the grace of

god, I
haven`t had a puff
in 200 days... One day at a time..
Thank you for your Huge part in my

recovery
from nicotineism..
God bless you
keep the quit
Lucy

*************
surrender one thing, you gain

something to
replace it
From 449 on 1/26/2003 5:36:42 PM

I will know peace when I understand

divine
profits and losses.
Few of us understand why we are here.

We
have some vague ideas but are not

really sure
why we are on the planet at this

time. We
know that something is going on but

we may
not be sure exactly what it is. For

those who
are seeking enlightenment about the

plan and
their purpose in the plan, here are a

few tips.
You are here:
To gain character as you lose ego
To gain integrity as you lose

dishonesty
To gain strength as you lose fear
To gain compassion as you lose
disappointment
To gain discipline as you lose

willfulness
To gain equality as you lose

separation
To gain appreciation as you lose

resentment
To gain enthusiasm as you lose

hostility
To gain tenderness as you lose

rigidity
To gain boldness as you lose

bitterness
To gain generosity as you lose

selfishness
To gain optimism as you lose

inadequacy
To gain excitement as you lose

embarrassment
To gain gratitude as you lose greed
To gain love as you lose ignorance
Until today, you may not have been

aware that
as you surrender one thing, you gain
something to replace it. Just for

today, live life
like it is a spiritual stock market.

Cut your
losses and celebrate your gains.
Today I am devoted to investing in

the
development of my spiritual nature!
Iyanla Vanzant
**************
Yeah I know I don`t put lots of stuff

here, part
of it is cuz I`m listening, to what

others say,
taking what I need and leaving the

rest, being
of help where I can be, but

listening, to learn.
something I learned in the 12 step

programs,
listening rather then talking brings

knowledge
and maybe a bit of humility, but

maybe I need
to post more, just on gp. I finally

know what
forum I belong in, thats good.
My story of smoking until some future

point I
don`t know about yet dosnt include

cancer or
other things that are often connected

, I have
been blessed to this point, the

future, well
when I get there.
but thats why I don`t write alot.
Since I quit smoking my hep c has

gone into
remission, it never did while

smoking,
my seizures have become less, so the
chemicals in my brain are evening out

a bit,
that nice, I appreciate travelling

this path I
think of as freedom road.
What I know is letting go takes a bit

of trust,
for me it took a little more then

that, its not
the first time I`ve experinced an

event outside
of myself that struck me inside in

such a way
as to remind me I wont fall if I let

go, and in
letting go alot of stuff has been

taken from me,
memories no, I will always carry

them, but
now I dont hold on to the resentment

at least
as long as I turn it over, and have

hope of
regaining at least some of what was

lost.
********
I don`t like the bs around here

sometimes,
Disrespect of ppl who are here for

recovery, as
decent human beings, those who arent

addicts
if there is sucha thng here, know to

be
reponsible for their actions, only a

realy addict
dosnt know that because they have

lost that
along time ago,
the sober addict has to live being

responsible.
well its time for me to do a 4th step

,deal with
alot of stuff, that sgood, I look

forward to not
carrying it anymore.
ina good mood, sleepy though..
have a good sunday
lucy
*************
12:31 AM | Add a comment | Permalink

| Blog it | Health and wellness
7 Months


7 months today, and as always I have

my

higherpower to thank first, and the q

to thank

second, and the little bit I did, I

thank me

third.

Moonchaser never think for a second

you

havent given, you have and you

continue to do

so, and I wouldnt be here if not for

you. so get

it out of your head cuz you live in

my heart, I

would have been lost witout you. I

should cut

my nails cuz I cant type like this

lol.

little over two years ago I made 7

months and

relapsed. I`m and addict, I dont

slip, have

never slipped on anything, even if I

didnt get

addicted that time, ( those few times

not many

though) I am still an addict, once I

start I dont

stop, so slipping is only a mental

thing that

leads to relapse unless caught early

and dealth

with by using the program.

thats not what I wanted to say, it

feels like

I`ve come full circle, and in a way

I guess I

have, but to get past that day that

it happened,

that will be full circle.

I have crossed the line of pain into

the world I

know best, recovery, and so my quit

crosses

to, I am grateful, we have to go

through what

we go through in order to hit bottom

to get up

again and go, only that way do we

find the

hope.
helpless is not the same as

powerless..
powerless is indeed power, to give in

to that

power greater then ourselves, to come

to

believe that in that sanity is

restord and the

next step taken, and so now my

recoveries are

more blended with each other and more

in

harmony though there are bumps. I`ll

get

through them with the help..


Shaody thank you for the post,
You`ve become such a good friend
I am very blessed.

I go forward from here.
with alot of help.
lucy




~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*@�

@*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
It is one of the most beautiful

compensations
of this life that no man can

sincerely
try to help another without helping

himself.
-- Ralph Waldo Emerson
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*@�

@*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
`Be absolutely clear about who you

are and

what you stand for.
Refuse to compromise.`
-- Brian Tracy
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*@�

@*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
We have two ears and one mouth so

that
we can listen twice as much as we

speak.
-- Epictetus
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*@�

@*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Have compassion for yourself and

others.
Everyone is doing the best they can

based on

their life experiences.
Everyone is learning and growing, and

so are

you.
- HeartMath Discovery Program, Doc

Childre

and Sara Paddison
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*@�

@*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Feelings pass if you express

yourself.
If you don`t they accumulate and you

become

confused.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*@�

@*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
It`s one thing to own your own

feelings and

share them,
it`s another thing to sit in your

shit.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*@�

@*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Pain is like a door,
you have to go through it to get to

the other

side.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*@�

@*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
I used to act off a feeling.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*@�

@*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

It Don`t Matter, Don`t Drink...This

is from my

sponsor`s sponsor, Jim Emanuel
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*@�

@*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Every grain of sand is in it`s

place. (just ask

my wife!) Ray G.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*@�

@*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
If you don`t like what your getting,

stop doing

what you`re doing.

What lies behind us and what lies

before us

are tiny matters compared to what

lies within

us
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*@�

@*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
If nothing changes, nothing changes

...
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*@�

@*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
The person who says it cannot be

done should

not interrupt the person who is doing

it ...
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*@�

@*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
When you come to the edge of all the

light

you know, and are about to step off

into the

darkness of the unknown, faith is

knowing one

of two things will happen: There will

be

something solid to stand on, or you

will be

taught how to fly. Barbara J.

Winter
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*@�

@*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Worry is an abuse of God`s gift of

imagination. Corrine Lajeunesse
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*@�

@*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Even if you are on the right track,

you`ll get

run over if you just sit there.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*@�

@*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Keep It Simple


But For the Grace of God


Easy Does IT


First Things First


Just For Today

Let It Begin With ME (example story

below on

the slogan)

The following words were written on

the tomb

of an
Anglican bishop in the crypts of

Westminister

Abbey:

When I was young and free and my

imagination had no limits, I dreamed

of

changing the world. As I grew older

and wiser,

I discovered the world would not

change, so I

shortened my

sights somewhat and decided to change

only

my country. But it too seemed

immovable.

As I grew into my twilight years, in

one last

desperate attempt, I settled for

changing only

family, those closest

to me, but alas, they would have none

of it.

And now as I lay on my deathbed, I

suddenly

realize: If I had only changed myself

first, then

by example I would have

changed my family.

From their inspiration and

encouragement, I

would then have been able to better

my

country and, who knows, I may have

even

changed the world.

By Anonymous



How Important is it?


Think


One Day at A Time


Keep an Open Mind


Live and let Live



Let Go and Let God (example story

below on

the slogan)


The Cross Room
The young man was at the end of his

rope.

Seeing no way out, he dropped to his

knees in

prayer.

`Lord, I can`t go on,` he said. `I

have too

heavy a cross to bear.`

The Lord replied, `My son, if you

can`t bear its

weight, just

place your cross inside this room.

Then, open that other door and pick

out any

cross you wish.`

The man was filled with relief.

`Thank you,

Lord,` he sighed,

and he did as he was told. Upon

entering the

other door, he

saw many crosses, some so large the

tops

were not visible.

Then, he spotted a tiny cross leaning

against a

far wall. `I`d

like that one, Lord,` he whispered.

And the

Lord replied,` My

son, that is the cross you just

brought in.`

When life`s problems seem

overwhelming, it

helps to look

around and see what other people are

coping

with. You may

consider yourself far more fortunate

than you

imagined.
12:29 AM | Add a comment | Permalink

| Blog it
Parts of my quit
YOUR CROSS
Whatever your cross, whatever your

pain,
There will always be sunshine after

the rain.
Perhaps you may
stumble, perhaps even fall,
But God`s always ready to answer your

call.
He knows every heartache, sees every

tear,
A word from His lips can calm every

fear.
Your sorrows may linger throughout

the night,
But suddenly vanish at dawn`s early

light.
The Savior is waiting somewhere

above,
To give you His grace and send you

His love.
Whatever your cross, whatever your

pain,
God always sends rainbows after the

rain.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*@�
@*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
The law of harvest is to reap more

than you
sow.
Sow an act, and you reap a habit.
Sow a habit and you reap a character.
Sow a character and you reap a

destiny.
~ James Allen
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*@�
@*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Blessed are those who can give

without
remembering and take without

forgetting.
-- Elizabeth Bibesco
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*@�
@*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
I do not know whether I was a man

dreaming I
was a butterfly,
or
whether I am now a butterfly dreaming

I am a
man.
Chuang-tzu (c.369-c.286 BC)
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*@�
@*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Pearls are the product of pain -
precious, tiny, jewels,
conceived through irritation,
born of adversity,
nursed by adjustment.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*@�
@*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Anger is a human emotion,
Rage is not,
Talk about it.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*@�
@*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Anger wears masks
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*@�
@*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
I had to learn to feel certain

things.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*@�
@*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Today I walk through feelings
that I used to run from.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*@�
@*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*@�
@*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
febuary 28
((((((((((((((Shaody)))))))))))))
Congratulations my friend
6 month is so exciting,
you`ve come so so far and
I wish there were words to
tell you how proud I am
of you....
You`re an incredible friend.

Wishing you have a terrific

anniversary!!

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*@�
@*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
shaody stood by me when I was caught
in the post and very much in trouble,
its largely due to his friendship
and willingness to see a friend

thorugh
that I made it through and recovered.

Much
gratitude
to you my friend.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*@�
@*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
`Adversity is the trial of principle.
Without it man hardly knows whether

he is
honest or not.`
- Henry Fielding (1707-1754)
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*@�
@*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
`The spiritual journey, the path of

recovery and
personal growth,
is a detoxification process in which

we
bring up and out the negative beliefs

we have
carried with us
from the past and that now poison the
present.`
~Marianne Williamson
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*@�
@*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
`The principles you live by create

the world
you live in;
if you change the principles you live

by,
you will change your world.`
-- Blaine Lee
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*@�
@*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Sometimes there are no answers,
there are only examples.
Mark Kostew
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*@�
@*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Anger taken out on myself,
is like picking up a hot coal to

throw at you.
I get burned first.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*@�
@*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
It is by sharing the pain
that I learn how to laugh.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*@�
@*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
When I share my pain,
my disease loses weapons to use

against me.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*@�
@*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Hatred is too powerful of an emotion

to waste
on someone that you don`t like.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*@�
@*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
When you come to the edge of all the

light you
know, and are about to step
off into the darkness of the unknown,

faith is
knowing one of two things
will happen: There will be something

solid to
stand on, or you will be
taught how to fly. Barbara J. Winter

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*@�
@*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Today I turn 8 months smober, I`m

grateful to
be out of the dreaded 7 months,

Windsong
thank you for sharing your experience

with me,
I count it as a blessing, that would

make you
an eskimo. Moonchaser, Andy2 AlphabL2
shaody CaneMstr, scamp 414, mcjor

thank you
for being there, for sticking with me

when
things were at their worst and for

giving me a
hand when I was ready to come out of

my
bottom. Frank (moron) has been with

me
every step of the way over the past

two
months, he tells me every day give it

to god
give it to god, been along time since

I`ve been
able to do that, but its becoming

easier
because of the spiritual help hes

given me,
he`sa great friend. Molasses put

words to my
thoughts and questions and made it

possible
to let it go. thank you. ((((((((OA

forum))))))))
I love you guys so much. Thanks to

all the
newcomers for keeping me honest and

helping
me grow, hope i have helped you in

someway.
I count everyone here as an eskimo, I

am
truely blessed to have smobriety and

such
good support in my efforts.

Prudential your
friendship has been a life and sanity

saver,
miss you being here so much.
Psyona, squisher thank you for

your posts :)
(((((((((((Q)))))))))))
This smobriety, its so worth hanging

onto, I
hope everyone will keep up your great

efforts.
Everyday is a huge accomplishment, s

if you`re
stuggling hang in. I can promise you

it gets
incredibly good.. I still have a hard

time too
sometimes, thats why we have each

other.
Don`t check out before the miracle

happens to
you.
My friend Chris (Canemstr) is in the

hospital
today having surgery, If you come

across this
little thing. Would you stop a

moment and say
a prayer for Chris,
maybe our good thoughts and wishes

will
reach him and help him during this

time.
www.caringbridge.org/mi/chrissmith


you can learn more about his

situation here.
Credit for this miracle goes first to

my higher
power
second goes too my support system,

everyone
at the q
and third, me for the little bit I

did.
Thank you for your part in my

smobriety.
hugs
lucy

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*@�
@*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
THE BEST THINGS IN LIFE
Falling in love.
Laughing so hard your face hurts.
A hot shower.
No lines at the Super WalMart.
A special glance.
Getting mail.
Taking a drive on a scenic road.
Hearing your favorite song on the

radio.
Lying in bed listening to the rain

outside.
Hot towels out of the dryer.
Finding the sweater you want is on

sale for
half price.
Chocolate milkshake.
A long distance phone call.
A bubble bath.
Giggling.
A good conversation.
The beach.
Finding a $20 bill in your coat from

last winter.
Laughing at yourself.
Midnight phone calls that last for

hours.
Running through sprinklers.

Laughing for absolutely no reason at

all.
Having someone tell you that you`re

beautiful.
Laughing at an inside joke.
Friends.
Falling in love for the first time.
Accidentally overhearing someone say
something nice about you.
Waking up and realizing you still

have a few
hours left to sleep.
Your first kiss.
Making new friends or spending time

with old
ones.
Playing with a puppy.
Late night talks with your roommate
Having someone play with your hair.
Sweet dreams.
Hot chocolate.
Road trips with friends.
Swinging on swings.
Watching a good movie cuddled up on a

couch
with someone you love.
Wrapping presents under the Christmas

tree
while eating cookies and drinking
eggnog.
Song lyrics printed inside your new

CD so you
can sing along without feeling
stupid.
Going to a really good concert.
Making eye contact with a cute

stranger.
Making chocolate chip cookies!
Hugging the person you love.
Watching the expression someone`s

face as
they open a much-desired present
from
you.
Getting out of bed every morning and

thanking
God for another beautiful day.
** Many people will walk in and out

of your
life, but only true friends will
leave a footprint in your heart **

Thanks Morice :-)
Congratulations on 3 Years!!
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*@�
@*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
12:27 AM | Add a comment | Permalink

| Blog it | Health and wellness
1 Year

Lucy`s Independence Day Rable.. One

year...
(too long again)
From CouragetoChange on 7/4/2003

6:52:22
PM

364 and some odd hours, July 4th

2002, I was
sitting in my place, sorry
for not having gone and made sure I

had cigs
through July 4th. I had
done it on purpose, but it wasn`t a

planned
quitdate, I just never kept
my quitdates, so I stopped making

them.
I had been feeling harrassed by those

horrible
television commercials
about smoking so I had quit watching

tv, but
one thing that got
through to me about this drug, more

then any
other, was that if I really
hit bottom with this one, I wasn`t

getting back
up again. It kind of
struck me, it was scary enough to

start
thinking about quitting. Also I
was tired of making bargins with God

about
quitting, well if you just
help me feel better I promise I`ll

quit, just get
me through the night, the month, I`ll

quit, I
promise. Sounds familar lol.
I ran out of cigs july 4th, 7pm, I

was
exhausted from spending two days
awake downloading music on kazaalite,

so I
put the patch on and went
to bed. I woke the next morning

listening to
my disease telling me come
on lets go to the store. I was just

starting to
get dressed when I realized
my mind was already half way to the

store on
its own, kind of shocked
me into sitting back down. I had

heard of qn
from cspan, and came and
got an account here. I`ve been here

since july
5th 2002, I just had trouble
finding a name lol.
Its not been that hard in terms of

cravings for
me. The mental stuff has
usually been about something else

thats
happened, that I didn`t want to
look at, the stuff I smoked about. I

really have
come to believe that its
always about something else that we

have
cravings for once past the
physical withdrawls. That all of that

stuff , at
least for me, was painful
enough, or scary enough, or my pride

had been
hurt enough, or I
wasn`t good enough, or I was too

good,
fearful enough that I smoked
over these things, even in sobriety

in program
where these things were
supposed to have been addressed, but

to a
large degree were swept
under the rug even further. I feel so

blessed to
be able to finally honestly
look at whats there, make an

inventory share it
with someone, and give
it to God.
Since being quit, I like breathing

easier, I like
not getting bronchitis
every six months, I loved going

through winter
without a flu shot and
without the flu. I love having

choices about
what I want to spend my
money on. I love not going to shower

to wash
out the smokey smell, to
just take a shower. I love being

comfortable in
non smoking resteraunts,
and other places. I love being

smokefree. And
like that nicorette
commercial says... I look good

without a
cigarette :-) I feel even better.

Those of you who are new, the

beginning is
really hard for many of us,
hang on through it, yell scream,

post, go to
chat, qmail ppl you don`t even know,

its ok to
do that, do whatever you need to stay

smober.
Trust God and do whats in front of

you.. whats
in front of you is to not smoke a day

at a time.
thats all you need to worry about.

You can do
it!! Congratulations
on chosing to save your life!
I am going to make an exception in

naming
ppl,to thank, for
Moonchaser, to you my longest qbud,

lots and
lots of thanks and hugs
and love, cuz at 16 days, I was

pissed off, and
you had the nerve to get
involved. I`m here because of that,

and
because of your ongoing
love and support and friendship. God

gave me
an eskimo I could keep. Moon

Congratulations
on One Year! and some odd days :-)

Also to
andy2 and AlphaBL1 who were and

continue to
be my elders, who for
whatever reason, god sent to me then.

Thanks
for putting up with me. I
love ya lots.
There are so many other ppl who have

made a
difference in my quit,
and if I could list them all, it

would be a very
long list for sure, and when
I was done I`d realize I`d left

someone off and
kick myself, so no list, But
you know who you are, my deepest

thanks to
you for all you`ve given
me, for keeping me smokefree. To

those people
who were here when I
first came, who I couldn`t quite see

in all my
spacieness, to those of you
I`ve met along the way, what a

wonderful
fellowship. I give credit first to
God, who without him, I wouldn`t be

here
writing this in the first place.
And I give credit to you. Thank you

so so
much. To me because this is
early, I give credit to make it till

7pm when my
one year is official.
((((((((((oa forum)))))))))) you guys

are the
best, thanks for being here,
the last six months, alot of miracles

in this
forum everyday.
And the journey continues.
To Everyone choosing freedom from

nicotine
today... this is your Independence

Day too, any
day we don`t smoke, we claim

independence...
Happy 4th of July..
Thank every one of you for my

smobriety
gby.. ktq.. popt... sgly.. lbm.. love

ya lots..
Dr. lucy (who`s doc shoes are still

too big yet)
aka
caisy
aka
ferret
aka
akferret
aka
carla
and so on :-0
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Fast foward >>>>>>>>>>>
Whoa Stop! Ok!
No back up a little..
My cousin who lives in Fairbanks, who

used to
be my best friend when I was a kid,

is moving
to anchorage.. so my whole world is

about to
go pooof! No not that bad really..

But will
miss her. I went to help her box

things up so
she could ship them. She fell off the

cig wagon
not long ago... I went over there,

and I hadn`t
had a smoke in almost 15 months.. and

I saw
the pack on the table.. And my

mind... Thank
you God for slowing things down

enough for
me to see them before they happen! It

was like
in my mind, they we`re already in my

hand,
and I could feel the part where its

about to
become physical and pick up... Damn

it was
scary. Well I can`t quote the big

book, but
basically it says a day will come

when nothing
stands between you and it but a power

greater
then yourself. So I`m calling it a

spiritual
experience and trying to have

gratetude for my
smobriety... we are never cured.
October 4th... 7 pm I made 15

months....
I don`t give the q enough credit

every, and
really I know that there`s no other

way, at
least I haven`t found it, and I have

program
behind me, but not a program that on

its own,
without the fellowship here, can help

me keep
quit.
Thanks to everyone for you`re

continued
support, and thanks for my smobriety.
God bless
lucy


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Wow I just wrote a post and then it

was taken
from
me. Well Gods will I guess.
I wanted to thank everyone for their

posts, and
everyone for being here.
I was thinking thank I`ve never seen

16
anything
without a smoke in my mouth or very

near by,
or that
I didn`t go to the store to get more

of my fix.
Smoking was as much a part of me as

my
limbs, or
any other part of me. I knew when I

began
sobriety
that smoking was an addiction and

should be
given up
along with the narcotics and alcohol,

but I
followed
the suggestion of not making any

major
changes in
my first year, many years later I was

still
smoking, and
for me I have to question just how

sober I
was, I found
quite a bit of my 4th step behind the
smokescreen. My
identity was included a cigarette,

part of left
over
rebellion? Yes to some degree, and

also the
medicine I
hid the pain I felt over being

attacked. I was
the girl/
woman who always have a cigarette,

would go
no
where I couldn`t smoke, would visit

no one
who
would`nt allow me to smoke, just no

way. Part
of my
insanity around smoking, was

beleiving that
what
happened to others, the illnesses,

the deaths,
wouldn`t/
couldn`t happen to me. That

invincable believe
stayed
with me with smoking. Finally I was

sick and
tired of
being sick and tired, and a failure,

ashamed I
couldn`t
stop, not liking myself much for

being a
chicken,
harsh judgments. Smoking is cunning

baffling
and
powerful, and I`m convinced the only

way to
recovery
is through the 12 steps, we have, I

have to be
willing
to do whats required, to go to any

lengths. One
day at
a time, I look forward to complete

sobriety,
inlcuding
sobriety from nicotine. And I believe

each and
every
one of us is capable of quiting and

staying quit.
I was
at a meeting where someone echoed

what I
believe. He
said we have choices, we can chose to
comsume
something we know is harmful and for

us
highly
addictive, and continue the

progression of this
ism, or
we can choose not to and choose

recovery and
sobriety.
If anyone is questioning whether or

not you
can make
it through the day, stop questioning,

and make
a
choice. You`re not here because you

want to
keep
smoking. Choose freedom, choose

sobriety,
choose to
not smoke.
You can do it, make the pledge, trust

God, and
go
forward.
Some of you, I can`t remember when

you came
in,
you`re print is so embedded its like

its forever.
Those of
you who are new, I look forward to

forgetting
when
you came in, its so awesome. I love

you all so
much.
Thanks for giving me so much, and

allowing
me to try
and give a little.
Cspan Thanks for running down the

list of
sites, God
thank you for helping me to remember,

and
walking
this journey with me, every step of

the way.
The
eskimos that have the courage to keep

this
place going,
God bless, And everyone here... Wow!

To everyone (moonchaser shaody

canemstr
alphabl1
andy2(not part of this forum)And to

my
sponser. And
everyone else here and the q. Thank

you for my
smobriety.
hugs
lucy
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Someone was confused, probaly because

I said
sobriety instead of smobriety, I see

not
smoking, recovery from not smoking

also as
sobriety, part of my over all

recovery from
`drugs` and alcohol.

somethings missing but its almost

whole, and
I don`t really know what happened but

must
have hiccuped.
12:25 AM | Add a comment | Permalink

| Blog it | Health and wellness
14 Months Plus

~~~~~~~~~~~**~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dec 4th, I reached 17 months quit.
I`m only just now getting to this

because, well
there could be several reasons, I

have not yet
learned how not to procrastinate for

very long
anyways lol. But my anny doesn`t

actually
start until 7pm, when I put the patch

on and
went to bed july 4th.

Finally theres a bit of calmness that

I first
started noticing around 14 months,

when
although I rarely go a whole day

without the
subject coming up, there are those

days when
it comes up and goes away, like

taking it out to
pledge to stay quit, pray about it

and live the
day. People kept saying, swearing and
promising it would get better, and it

has. I`m
not taking it for granted though,

just enjoying
it when its not there.
I tell people to use peanuts, silly

putty, water,
prayer, and the 12 steps, cuz thats
what works for me, you find what

works for
you, use it, then pass it on to

someone else,
there are lots of great suggestions

around
here.
I came in here with a load of unhappy

stuff
behind the smokescreen, amazing how

much
will fit back there and stay hidden

so well, tell
me tobacco isn`t powerful! In the

last month
or so its come to the breaking point,

and the
neat thing is I get to choose what

breaks. Its
an old tool that never worked very

well for
very long. I`ve traded it in for a

new tool that
will last longer as long as I take

care of it.
Staying quit has given freedom to

grow,
change, and bring choices into my

life I never
had. I say this only for myself, I

was not sober
while smoking. Could not have been.

My
sponser says keep my sobriety date,

but
honestly I feel my time sober is my

time
smober, thats when all hell broke

loose and the
opportunity to face it has come.

Anyway yeah
its good.
fear fuck everything and run
fear face everything and recovery
sober son of a bitch everythings real
sotc stay open to change
nope not one puff ever
kigcl keep it going choose life
and YCDI You Can Do It!

Ok I wander easily, so KTQ one day at

a
time!
god bless
lucy

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*Just for
Today*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*Don`t
Use*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*No Matter
What*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*Make A
Meeting*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*Get Involved In
Service*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*Get A
Sponsor*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*Call Your
Sponsor*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*Be A
Sponsor*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*Work The
Steps*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*You Are A
Miracle*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*Keep It
Simple*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*One Day At A
Time*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

SELF-ACCEPTANCE

We know that God lovingly watches

over us.
We know that when we turn to
Him, all will be well with us, here

and
hereafter.
TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS,

p.
105

I pray for the willingness to

remember that I
am a child of God, a divine
soul in human form, and that my most

basic
and urgent life-task is to
accept, know, love and nurture

myself. As I
accept myself, I am accepting
God`s will. As I know and love

myself, I am
knowing and loving God. As I
nurture myself I am acting on God`s

guidance.

I pray for the willingness to let

go of my
arrogant self-criticism, and to
praise God by humbly accepting and

caring for
myself.
Copyright 1990 ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS
WORLD SERVICES, INC.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*It`s An Inside
Job*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*First Things
First*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*Easy Does
It*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*Live And Let
Live*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*Keep The Focus On
You*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
You can start finding your own divine

love
when you start loving others.
But that doesn`t count until you can

love
yourself.
--John-Roger
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*Live Go And Let
God*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

`You see the glass half empty, or you

can see it
half full.`
You can focus on what`s wrong in your

life,
or you can focus on what`s right.
But whatever you focus on, you`re

going to get
more of.
Creation is an extension of thought.
Think lack, and you get lack.
Think abundance, and you get more.`
Marianne Williamson
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*Turn It
Over*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
God is ready the moment you are.
Emmet Fox
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*Come*~*~*~*~*~
*~*~*~*~
The beginning of love is
to let those we love be perfectly

themselves
and not to twist them to fit our own

image.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*Come
To*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
We don`t receive wisdom;
we must discover it for ourselves

after a
journey
that no one can take for us or spare

us.
~Proust~
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*Come To
Believe*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Change is what happens when the pain

of
holding on
becomes greater than the fear of

Letting Go.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*The Miracle Is
You*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Let us not look back in anger,
nor forward in fear,
but around us in awareness.
~James Thurber~
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*Today Is A
Gift*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*Keep Gratitude Up
Front*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*Walk The
Walk*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*One Promise, Many
Gifts*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

`You must change in order to

survive.`
--Pearl Bailey
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
`The need for change bulldozed a road

down
the center of my mind.`
--Maya Angelou
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
`Each day comes bearing its own

gifts. Untie
the ribbons.`
--Ruth Ann Schabaker
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
`It takes as much courage to have

tried and
failed
as it does to have tried and

succeeded.`
--Anne Morrow Lindbergh
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Freedom is not free.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
With freedom comes responsibility.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
To whom much is given,
much is required.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
You can`t think your way into right

living...
you have to live your way into right

thinking.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
When we cannot bear to be alone,
it means we do not properly value the

only
companion
we will have from birth to death -

ourselves.
-- Eda LeShan
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
.our life crises tell us that we need

to break
free of beliefs
that no longer serve our personal

development.
These points at which we must choose

to
change
or to stagnate are our greatest

challenges.
Every new crossroads means we enter

into a
new cycle of change
- whether it be adopting a new health

regimen
or a new spiritual practice.
And change inevitably means letting

go of
familiar people and places
and moving on to another stage of

life.
-- Caroline Myss, PH.D., Anatomy of

the Spirit
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Realize that now, in this moment of

time, you
are creating.
You are creating your next moment

based on
what you are feeling and thinking.
That is what`s real.
We can let go of the unconscious

belief that
being anxious about the past
or the future will somehow protect us
and instead reprogram our cells with

new ways
of responding.
-- Doc Childre
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
`Faith is not trying to believe

something
regardless of the evidence.
Faith is daring to do something

regardless of
the consequences.`
-- Sherwood Eddy
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
What you are afraid to do is a clear

indicator
of the next thing you need to do.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Learn to Let Go.
That is the key to happiness.
~Buddha~
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Worry is like a rocking chair --
it gives you something to do
but it doesn`t get you anywhere.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
For my shortcomings, I delegate;
for my strengths, I congratulate.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

1-6-2004
January 4th I turned 18 Months quit.

its hard
to believe it, a year and a half. Its

not
something I dared think about, not

even dare
to think of tomorrow. This quit has

been such
one day at a time thing, that when

asked when
my 500 days was, I didn`t say because

I had
not reached it yet.
So 18 Months, Sunday, I still have to

thank
everyone, slow as I am about it

sometimes, I
love everyone for their kindness to

wish a
happy anniversary to me and to

anyone. Its so
important, that if everyone took five

people
each and posted their anniversary,

the entire
anny page would be in milestones with

one
post per person, high ideal I know,

but I still
wish it.
I am still an addict, I know that,

its not ever
going to change, will still be

reaching for
something thats probably not good for

me, but
at the same time, taking out one more
addictive behavior, removing the

substance
has been something else. I used to go

get
something good to eat on anniversary,

but in
December I joined the diabetic diet

website on
the 4th, I chose not to break the

diet but to
keep it, because I bought that for

me. Guess
my ideas on the quick fix and instant
gratification are changing even a

little more.
Its been slow learning anything about

living
life with some happiness, but it is

happening.
This is a process, its not an over

night deal, it
goes on and on. I would wish everyone

on this
journey, steady ground, with just

enough
rocks, that you would find one soft

enough and
the right size, should you forget

your pillow.
Hang with the quit no matter what,

NOPE!
This place is full of miracles, why

not be one of
them? keep it going - choose life
(kevindon`tsmoke)
(who`s site I cant get into since the

bloody
virus bit my computer, aarrgghh! )
I don`t know if we every reach

freedom, from
addiction, no way, with drugs and

drinking, the
obsession was lifted, and while I

could co back
just like that in a second, with

stinking
thinking, today, as long as my

spiritual
condition is in progress, my chances

of going
to bed sober are good. With quit, the

same is
true. The only difference I can see,

is that with
the quit, I`m not willing to put my

guard
down, done it too many times and lost

it too
many times. But freedom, at least the

feeling
of being free, yes its there, as long

as its not
taken for granted. I love that

feeling, it is
something to continue to strive for,

not
something to assume is mine. I`m

rambling
and better stop before this makes no

sense.
Thanks everyone who`s been here and

is here
every day I come here. God bless.
lucy

This is a poem a friend wrote for my

18th anny,
for me it really hit home, this

recovery, life on
lifes terms, and still so much to

love and be
grateful for. thanks frank.

I can see now
my eyes are clear
again
I can breath
deeply
now
an Know that
I heal
thou sometimes
life it just plain
sucks
I know
I don`t have
to smoke because
it does.
I may at times
even feel more
pain
but its worth
when Iam
smober and clean
sometimes I get love
sometimes I don`t
sometimes I give Love
sometimes I don`t
In the end
I must Love
Myself
and that
MEANS TO NOT SMOKE.
12:24 AM | Add a comment | Permalink

| Blog it | Health and wellness
19 Months
*************^**************
2-4-04
Thank
(((((((((((((((((((((((((You)))))))))

))))))))))))
)))))))!!
19 months huh? Geez its not something

I ever
thought could happen, not in a

million years,
well it didn`t happen in a million

years, it
happened one day at a time, turning

it over
and not trying to figure out what

tomorrow
would be like, if it would be worse

then today.
I think the biggest thing I did for

myself in
starting this quit was to decide I

didn`t know
sh*t, about how it would go, and

decided to go
along for the ride. Its been a

wonderful ride,
lots of ups and downs, lots of

stomping
around, especially early on, just
being crazy, and all of that had to

be done
before it started to get better. I

didn`t start
having to hold on for dear quit until

about 3
months when the the smokescreen was

really
gone, and I started having flashbacks

again.
I`m glad to say thats not happening

anymore.
But the thing is, things get better,

and once
that starts to happen, it happens

pretty quick
most of the time. I see people at

only a few
days saying why is it so hard, and I

just want
to say it just is, hang on, get

through the day
the best you can, and don`t smoke no

matter
what, and you`ll be one day closer to

sweet
freedom. It really does happen, there

are
people, miracles all around who have

done it.
It really is a process, that if

allowed to
continue produces great results.

Having energy
and being able to breath is an

amazing thing.
Not having to jump off the bus when

its -40 to
duck in a doorway and smoke because

I`m
having a nic fit, is very nice, big

plus that one,
This is the second year that so far

no flu, not
bronchitis, I used to have bronchitis

all the
time, it required treatment several

times a
year, so being without it is huge for

me. I`ve
started a diet that, had I not quit

smoking
probably wouldn`t have started, and

the cool
thing about the diet is it just

teaches you to
eat properly, which I never had down

too well
to begin with, a fringe benefit?

Maybe. I`m
just very grateful for all of you, I

think unless
God had other plans, without you,

there would
be no quit for me. Thank you for

walking with
me and for carrying me at times for

the past 19
months.
The new people, I wish you the best

in your
early journeys, luck is not something

you will
need, just solid determination and a
willingness to accept being

uncomfortable for
short periods of time, to be free for

the rest of
your life, one day at a time. Hang in

there, and
keep working for it. You can do it.
I haven`t been here much the past
month,lethargic I guess, mid winter

blues
maybe, and computer trouble as well,

lost a
hard drive and a lot of stuff, so for

those I`ve
missed I apologize for that, and I do

see you
running around and that makes me

glad.
God bless and thank you.
hugs
lucy

The measure of a man`s real character

is what
he would do if he knew he would never

be
found out. T.B. Macaulay

Y.E.T. You`re eligible too
Qmail is really full (22 months

ramble... which
wasn`t supposed to be a ramble at all

lol)
My qmail is really full, and I have

some qmails
there I need to respond to and say

thanks,
geez my brain is off right now. too

early I
suppose but you know who you are.

Terri what
a great job with annys you did! (oa)

I goof too,
have to check espeically the early

ones just to
see, and I had forgot to check. So

not your
fault
Congrats to everyone! I have great

company
on this quit date of mine, love that

cake too,
mmmm-mm! Who made it anyway, I`m sure
its home made, only the best went

into it. Not
sure just what kind it is, but I

detect
chocolate, and whip cream for icing

is too
much to ask for, the fresh

strawberries are the
sweetest topping topping you could

think of,
and all the special effort by some

very special
quitsters makes this cake the best of

all, what
a great ingredient, thanks for the

love!
For the new people and everyone else

far as
that goes, I can only repeat my story

since it
hasn`t changed, except once in a

while when
I`m feeling particularly egotistical

it does grow
and get real scary, mostly to me, so

I have to
pull the plug lol.
I came in here after quitting 7

months, my first
serious try, and after many tries

finally quit,
having stayed up two days, then was

too tired
to go get the money that would get me

smokes
on the 4th of July, I know that sub
unconsciously I planned it, for once

the dove
outsmarted the vulture lol.
Anyway got in here the 5th and was

astonished
and grateful for the support. Unlike

anything I
ever dreamed possible, and I

immediately felt
at home, and felt at home. Lost the

ability to
spell fifth, kept spelling it fith

lol, people
helped me with that. My quit,

physically has
been pretty easy considering what its

been in
the past, I attribute it to God, and

to the fact
that I decided finally, after being

convinced it
was going to hurt big time,
that I really didn`t know what was

going to
happen or how terrible it was going

to be,
coming to terms with that idea

allowed me to
be open to maybe succeeding. So far

so good,
with God and you, I just might yet.
About 3 months in I began remembering

being
abused and raped, and that was very

hard,
because it was the last thing I was

expecting. I
actually left, but people from the Q,

Shaody,
Canemstr, and Moonchaser, plus more,

brought
me back, I went to other addictions

forum
where I should have been to begin

with, and
wow what support! Love other

addictions, and
boy do I belong!! Anway, some of you

have
come face to face with your selves,

your not so
great stuff, and I want you to know

it gets
better. Theres a club for it now,

Abuse
survivors quit I think, I was glad to

be able to
just tell my story. Then let it go.

Everyone You
are the most important person in the

room at
this moment. Overall, the newcomers

are the
most... precious, without you, we

just get old
and dwindle... well get old anyway

lol.
I don`t handle rejection well at all,

can`t stand
it, And the other day one of the

clubs I belong
to made a decision, that put someone

in a
position. I came in and saw this

decision had
been made. Felt I`m a member of this

club
damn it, why didn`t I get an

opinion!!!!! I
need to work on that. Had I been

asked, I
would have agreed. I can`t even say

it was
rejection, just what I decided to see

it as, it is
ego, ego and selfishness way out of

place and
not ever belonging, a nasty character

defect.
Anway that person left the club, and

I`d like to
ask her to come back, I will leave if

thats what
she needs, but whatever, we need her

presence
there. Apologies made, I`m not at my

9th step
yet, so maybe its not done right.

Anyway....

Shelling peanuts, silly putty, video

games,
water, breathing, learning to eat

when hungry,
sleep when tired.
www.congnitivequitting.com, got lots

of info
there(cuz of ptsd I`m not a good

candidate,
still use parts of it), read read

read, and you
guys is the practical stuff I did,

but because of
the you guys, its much deeper and

much richer
the just the nuts and bolts... but

those are
hugely important, these days its

luscious fruit
from the store. Actually bought one

of those
huge boxes of strawberries I`ve been
promising myself, but couldn`t afford

because
I was smoking!
Love you guys..... you and me and God

are
responsible for my quit, I know I

have the part
of keeping it, God has the part of

keeping my
sh*t from getting to bad, and helping

me get
through when it is, You are my

support which
is so big, and also do part of Gods

work, cuz
God works through people.
Anyway I just wanted to say my qmail

is
full...... Thank you!!!
hugs
lucy
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
12:22 AM | Add a comment | Permalink

| Blog it | Health and wellness
2 Years

2 year ramble
First Congratulations to all those

sharing my
quitdate. Terri, Its an honor to be

present and
standing with you on the same day as

you
reach 500 days, and become Lady

Terri!
(tlb0220)
Several years ago I had quit smoking
cigarettes, and stayed quit smoking,

until I
decided to experiment with crack

cocaine, and
ended up trading one for the other. I

can now
look back at the insanity of such

behavior and
laugh, but only because others who
understood could laugh too and make

it seem
not so big, I had to get into this

quit, into
Quitnet to find those people. I had

to enter
this quit, to be ready to hit bottom

from that
last drug spree, so if you think

Quitnet is only
for quitting smoking, think again.

Because
smoking is just a symptom, its not

that part of
me and some of you too that

ultimately is in
need of recovery.
My first couple weeks in I met a lady

who calls
herself Moonchaser, who is so much

farther
down the path of recovery in many

ways.
She`s been there when things were

really bad,
when I couldn`t stay away from anger

very
long,a nd
when I really didn`t know why all

that was
happening. But Moon, shakey as she

could be
sometimes, always has room and time

and I
love her for all thats she`s given,

she`s the
best kind of friend I think there is.

We kept
each other going, thought who gave

most,
we`d probably agrue that one between
ourelves, and I`d still believe it

was her :)
Moon thanks so much, I love ya lots,

and very
proud of you always. I`m sure glad

you got to
be the leader
lol.

Since stopping smoking, I`ve had no

flu shots,
and no flu. I came down with a cold

that was
pretty minor stuff, tickeled my brain

a little,
but not my
lungs. I work out because I can, and

because it
feels good to be active again. These

things are
all so attainable. Quitting is

doable, but its not
easy, if the physical stuff doesn`t

get you the
other will, but how you choose to

look at it has
a lot to do with how far you`ll get.

We know
coming in it might not be easy, but

fail to look
at the idea that maybe it won`t be

that tough.
I think giving that chance for the

good is so
important. The hard
passes, and the longer you stay quit

the better
it gets, I know you`ve already read

this stuff. I
can only say its true, and encourage

you to
give
it all you got and keep it going, the

pay off is
priceless!
To all those who have inspired me

along the
way, Shaody, CaneMstr, JFFers, other
addictions, milestones, and so many

others
thank you for being there and still

being there.
God bless you.
Well Alaska has been in fires for

over two
weeks now, and for one we`ve been
stuck with smoke in the air and soot

and ash,
everything, so today I woke up
with sun in my eyes and thought well

Sh*t,
then realized what it was, the
sun! I got up and was looking at blue

skys and
warm day. So this day was
spent with a few friends from NA

sharing a
picnic. Personally it was a great
day for the smoke to dissipate.
Thank you, everyone in this site, for

all you`ve
given, some of you I don`t know, but

this is a
we thing, and I wouldn`t be here

without you,
God bless.
And Happy July 4th! Thanks for my

smobriety.
Big hugs
lucy
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
August 4th, 04
I remember this little guy in a wheel

chair, he
really was little too. Some kind of

birth defect,
or maybe it was an illness that got

him, I never
knew. All I knew was that we did meth
together, lots of it. Somehow we had

managed
to get him up the stairs of the hotel

I lived it,
no we didn`t have wheelchair

accessibility
everywhere yet. I was crashing, after

days up,
and was very uncomfortable. I had

some
tranqs in the dresser drawers, extra

strengths,
and no common sense that day. I took

about
four of those things. Went to bed and

I really
don`t remember much after that. But I

woke
groggy, to a burnt up bed, and a

third degree
burn on my hip. I took a cigarette to

bed with
me and caught it on fire. This little

guy in the
wheelchair put the fire out with a

coffee can
and water from the sink, he saved my

life. I
didn`t remember taking that cigarette

to bed,
but I know that in my using career,

smoking
was the last to go, and the hardest.

Its tough
looking at the things we run from all

of our
lives, because there are probably

good reasons
we`re running. In recovery, I`ve

learned its
better to face the inside of me, then

keep up a
good front.
The inside job always needs to be

done,
everyday. Everyday we keep the quit

going,
we`re doing it, even if it doesn`t

seem like it at
the time. We`re trying to learn a new

way of
life as non smokers, but we can`t

think our
way into a new way of living, we have

to live
our way into a new way of thinking.
I was working on a neighbors

computer, trying
to install a driver from a disk that

wasn`t
cooperating. I managed to pull the

whole thing
off the disk to the hard drive, and

install from
there, so it worked ok. He wanted to

light up
while I was there, and I said no way,

and felt
good about standing up for my right

to breath
clean air. There was already enough

second
hand smoke, when I was done I was

soooo
glad to get out of there. He wanted

to know if
I`d smoke a bowl of weed in payment

for my
time. Geez! It feels good to be

making sober
choices. I chalked it up to a favor

passed on, as
my computers been serviced free more

then
once, and I`ve learned from it.
An huge upside is the test results

from the
labwork my doc did, my cholesterol is

down,
without drugs, the hep c isn`t

happening and
the doc is starting to think `cured`,

I`ll settle
for in remission and be grateful its

non active.
All this since quitting smoking. Its

a big deal,
considering I was heading for trouble

prior.
The quit is worth everything you

have, and
worth everything you may think you

don`t
have. Nothing but good can come from

quitting
smoking. We say in program we`re

learning to
be happy, joyous and free. Well those

things
don`t happen over night, just like

getting
addicted doesn`t, so easy does it.

Keep
trusting God, or whoever your HP is,

and doing
whats in front of you.
Come to one of the forums and pledge

to stay
quit another day, and carry that

pledge with
you. The next day do it again. Keep

coming to
the Quitnet everyday. If you think

you can`t do
it another minute, reach out to

another
quitster, take out some insurance

against the
next crave. You`re so worth not

smoking. Hang
in there and never give up.
Thanks for taking me 25 months in

this
journey.

hugs
lucy

30 months
Its hard to write much right now as

I`ve got
an 8 week old puppy wanting my

attention,
honestly its pretty hard not to give

it lol.
When I look back at where I came

from, I
smoked like I did everything else, to

excess
and without an ability to control it,

what
happened, I began to quit, I did

quit, then I
fell, and felt bad enough to say

screw it, went
right back to using non stop and full

force...
and what its like now.... the man

across the
hall from me went nuts last night, it

meant the
cops coming, lots of stress for lots

of people,
and it wasn`t lots of fun, but what I

realized is
that I went through that without the

thought
that a smoke would fix me during that

mess. I
know there are lots of other things

I`d rather
have done, but finally, after a few

24 hours
working on this thing, smoking wasn`t

one of
them.
If you`re struggling with quitting,

trying to
hang on, thinking about quitting, I

just want to
say go for it. You have nothing to

lose by
quitting smoking. The days that are

bad pass,
you just have to believe in that more

then you
believe you`ll go crazy, because

everything is
temporary... but your quit.. that is

one day at a
time. You can do it.
At 30 months, I just wanted to send a

very
heartfelt thanks to Moonchaser, who

was my
first quitbud, and who I`m pretty

sure I`d
never make it without. Guess it was a

God
thing, so Moon, love you, thanks for

walking it
with me. And to everyone else. I know

I
haven`t been here as much as before

and, I
don`t know, I`m just spreading my

smokeless
wings and trying to learn to fly so

to speak.
You`ve all been in my heart, and

behind each
successful day. There was no real

hope before
quitnet, today I`m beginning to think

I can do
just about anything... now if I can

just house
break this puppy :)
Thanks for helping me make this 24

hours.
hugs
lucy
30 months and counting
12:20 AM | Add a comment | Permalink

| Blog it | Health and wellness
Rant and 1000 Days

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
a rant and apology of sorts
From CouragetoChange on 3/21/2005

5:17:06
PM
Well sort of, there are some things

going on
that are making it hard to do
anniversaries, mainly that I`m

struggling to be
able to see. My glasses are really

busted, and
I`m waiting to be called in for the

new pair,
until then its really frustrating,

because there
are a lot of little things I can`t do

well right
now. The bright side of all of that

is that I am
far sided, and can actually survive

pretty well
getting from point A to point B

without
walking into something along the way.

I have
them taped right now, but they fall

apart, I
retape them, they fall apart, and so

on, so its
just a pain right now.
Resentments, well sort of. A

girlfriend of mine
once told me that she knew that it

wasn`t
healthy for an addict to demand an

apology for
something that someone had done wrong

to
her, but she said that she still

needed it. And of
course I tried to tell her to let it

go, its not a
good direction to go in, but she

insisted that
this time, she needed the apology.

Well today I
understand what she was saying, and I

am
very much in that space. I`m tired of

taking
the blame for someone elses actions,

tired of
having people wag their fingers at

me, virtual
or otherwise, and tell me I`m wrong,

when
I`m not. And like my friend, I need

those who
are involved to admit THEIR part.

This is the
first time in any time of my life

that I`ve felt
this way enough to actually

acknowledge it
inside myself. My friend, she didn`t

use, or
drink again, but I wish I knew where

she was,
this was her experience first, she

lived it, and it
would be nice to know how she came to

terms
with it.
There is this guy in program, Bob E.,

he says
when you hit the wall turn left. That

makes
perfect sense to me, because when I

hit the
wall, I insist on breaking it down to

get to the
other side, only to land on my****out

in the
cold and in deep ****, so I`m trying

to turn
left, I just keep trying to ram the

wall on the
way around. I`m pretty sure that

eventually
the wall will come down and I`ll be

on
my****in the cold in deep ****, till

then I`ll
keep trying to walk on eggshells.
The last time I was this angry was

when I was
in week weak, and had gone right

through the
roof, I was furious because I had

reached 14
days and it seemed no one gave a

****, and I
was really doubting that it was worth
anything, but I was angry and

fighting because
I didn`t want that kind of doubt

going on too.
The lady who saved my butt is an

alanon, who
to this day I know I still have my

quit because
of her, she has such a huge part in

it. But she
wrote e mailed me today and totally
understands everything, what she said
reminded me of the responsibility

pledge, and I
know that like the anniversaries, it

too has no
place in other addictions forum, but

it has a
place in my heart. I`ve not been

doing a good
job of living it lately.
So I don`t expect an apology from

anyone. I
also accept no blame. Looking back a

little, I
can see how when there are a lot of
anniversaries, they might drown out

the other
posts here. What I know, is that it

could have
been dealt with much more effectively

and
peacefully, without using a flame war

to do it..
Like my friend, this time around I

need you to
admit your part.... And I tell you

this, if you are
program, any of you, you know damn

well you
have one! If I owe an amends for that
statement, consider it done.
That said, it would be nice if more

people
remembered to swing by the anny club

and
wish these folks a happy one whenever

you
can. God bless you guys.

Chavella, 2 years, Missy321, 1 year,

huge
accomplishments each of you, and with

so
much good work done during that time.

Thanks
for everything you do around here. I

know I`m
still here in part because of you

two. Hope
you`re doing something special.

Moonchaser,
thanks once again for kicking

my****back in
line, love you, and still need your

wisdom
always.
As my home group says at the end of

their
meeting,
when anyone, anywhere, reaches out

for help,
I want the hand of AA always to be

there, for
that I am responsible.
Keep coming back, it works! (Think

that works
here too)
God bless you guys.

1000 days
I almost wrote a post earlier before

church, but
then I was still on the 999th step of

the Grand
Staircase. Mine is made up of exactly

1000
days for 1000 steps. It is

spectacular up here. I
can see everyone who has helped me

get here,
some of you I don`t even know, but

never the
less, you are the extentions of my

Higher
Power, those who carry the message.

And I
thank you for that.
I am so broke this month! Its nuts.

I`ve been
needing to replace my glasses for two

months,
and I needed a second hard drive for

my
computer, and I decided I needed them

both at
the same time. Then I decided that my

dog had
to have pet insurance. So needless

to say, this
anniversary I`m penniless! But its

been a great
day and I am so happy to have lived

it smoke
free.
I`m like you are, tried several times

to quit,
especially during the year before I

reached this
quit. The only thing I did different

this time
was park any preconceived ideas I had

about
what this quit would go like at the

door, and
decided to trust God to help me. That

might
sound kind of silly, but its what`s

worked.
I spent a year going back and forth,

quitting
then smoking, back and forth. I had

tried to
quit before, but never that many

times in such
a short period of time. I didn`t keep

a quit
date, I stopped when I ran out of

cigarettes.
But I picked a holiday to run out of

smokes,
and had to plan that far ahead of

time. The
prequit jitters always got to me, and

I`d keep
bouncing right past, eyes shut

tightly so I
could pretend not to see. But always

it was my
decision to not quit each time. And

each day,
its my decision to not smoke. I say

by the
grace of God, you say whatever you

want to,
quitting and keeping it is up to you,

and you
can do it. Its tough, but you got

lots of help
here at this site, and lots others as

well. You
just got to look past the fear and

negative
thoughts as you near your quit date

to realize
its possible for all of us to not

smoke just for
today. I know we can do it.
A special mention of my friend and

long term
quit bud Moonchaser. Lady you are the

best. I
couldn`t have made it this far

without you. We
still have a long ways to go, but fun

having tea
with you way up here. I love ya!
To everyone;
God bless you. Again, Thank you.

hugs
lucy
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
A poem for courage to change
From moron on 4/4/2006 12:14:53 AM
WOW
I can see
the morrows
I have a shot
at the things
yet to come.
There be Hills
and valleys
pleasure and pain
sunshine and
bitter cold nights
But I can see
the morrows
Iam free
from the monkeys
grip
my eyes are clear
Sometimes the walk
is easy
full of views
Sometimes its not
and full pain
The difference now
is that I transcend
the pain
and spend time
in serenity
All this possible
with
the Courage to Change.

KTQ FRANK
12:18 AM | Add a comment | Permalink

| Blog it | Health and wellness
45 Months - 4 Years
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
The poem and this little bit was for

my 45
months. And honestly if I COULD

comprehend
all this I could write better, but it

is too large
for me to understand all but this

moment,
which I am smober sober and in this

moment,
happy joyous and free, if I stay in

this, present
moment.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Great day
From CouragetoChange on 4/5/2006

4:03:09
AM
I finally found chocolate tea, been

looking for
it for a long time and they finally

brought it in,
what a treat! Picked up the photo cd

of the ice
carnival and the dogs and enjoyed

today.
(Tuesday) I wasn`t expecting a poem.

Frank
said he was going to do one, I just

didn`t think
now. But it touches on some stuff

I`ve been
going through about dealing with
dissapointment, seeing the

expectations,
learning that whatever I do for

anyone else
once I let it go its no longer any of

my
business, becoming ok with that idea,

and
teaching it to someone else who has

no clue
except that she hurts. And enjoying

the doing
anyway because in that process its a

spiritual
experience that is being experienced

and
shared, which is awesome. I give

thanks to
God, (Trinity) for this quit, and to

you for
being the helpers, the eskimos who

show me
the way back to town in the blizzard.

Every
time I get even a glimpse of a

trigger I think
about not hurting anymore in this

quit, and
remembering the many times I never

came this
far. Hang onto your quits no matter

what. The
path is lit, and each one of you is a

candle of
hope and a link in the chain that is

`We` God
bless. Thank you!
hugs
carla
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
The Dawning

Peaceful thoughts tossed in turmoil.
Riches reached, riches lost.
The enriching, the deepening is the

growing to
the light.
It is the dawning
It`s human right.
The ahas move us forward.
Can set us apart.
Can bring us together.
Inner acknowledgment glows.
Don`t extinguish one`s light
Be bright-not dim.
Life is really not just a spectacle

or whim.
Cherish the gift
Do your best.
Looking back is the Dawning.
AhaaÅ
You get it now.
Keep growing your light
Nemo011@aol.com
Heather T
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Buried deep within each of us is a

spark of
greatness,
a spark than can be fanned into

flames of
passion and achievement.
That spark is not outside of you it

is born deep
within you.
James A. Ray

To the luckiest of people,
a time comes when they join or launch

a cause
that forever changes their lives and

the lives of
others.
Guy Kawasaki (Apple Computer Co-

founder)

When human beings stand by one

another,
testify to their faith,
and witness each other`s pain,

miracles
happen.
If we are loved enough,
we are emotionally healed and

spiritually made
whole.
Marianne Williamson

Never see anything that you do
as a failure but see it as an

accomplishment.
Then you have never failed; you have

always
learned.
Ramtha

There R other people
There R other places
There R other things
R stands for remember

If you lay down with the dogs
you will wake up with fleas

If you show me who your hanging out

with,
I will tell you how you are living.

People that are using will
piss on your head and tell you that

it`s raining.

You don`t go into a whorehouse,
to listen to the piano player!!!!

It is out of the abundance of the

heart that the
mouth speaks.
Luke 6.45

The Law of mind, the giant within and

around
us,
is always creating for us.
But what specific direction are we

giving it?
Our every thought is a direction.
Ernest Holmes

People, Places and Things
If you think you have willpower,
eat a box of Ex-Lax
and try not to go to the bathroom.

Don`t go into the Garden of Eden,
because the snake will be calling

your name

If you jump in the water,
your gonna get wet.

You don`t go into the lion`s den
with pork-chop underwear
and tell the lion to chill out.

Stay away from people places and

things.
I am the people, that take me to

those places,
to do those things.....


*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Oh I really don`t know where to

begin, so
many gifts for this anny of 4 years

so I start
with Moon who has seen me through the

most
of this journey and go from there. To

all those
replies (that I didn`t include only

because this
is pretty long by itself lol, you`ve

made my day
rich and wonderful. I will leave this

as it is
right now. God bless.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
from Moon
** Fabulous Journey For

CouragetoChange**
From Moonchaser on 7/4/2006 3:27:04

PM
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((

(((Carla)))))
))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
Congratulations, dear Quit Bud! Feels

good
from this perspective, doesn`t it?

Remember
when we screamed through Hell Week?

No
matter what they say that wasn`t a

lot of fun.
Wasn`t much different when we got

through
Heck Week and even when we became
Tweeners at fifty days and had to

struggle into
our brand new panties. Who knew we`d

have
to model those things in front of

everyone

Finally, we found a smattering of

dignity as we
entered the Elder`s Lodge.... just a

smattering
though. You were still throwing the

occasional
tantrum and I was still dragging

along,
depressed and lower than a snake`s

belly! It`s
a wonder we didn`t get thrown out,

but we
struggled on and just about the time

the road
began to look level... they tried to

make Ladies
of us at 500 days. Well... Hell... I

didn`t know
quitting smoking was going to include

some
sort of Charm School, did you? Even

so, I think
we were doing a fairly good job of it

when
before we knew it they said we were

now
Doctors! Full fledged Doctors!!! A

year without
a cigarette and now we could practice
medicine...Wow. Sadly, no one was

willing to
let us work on them, but after

thinking it over I
decided that was probably a good

thing.
Frankly, I couldnt` see how not

smoking made
us qualified to take out someone`s

tonsils and
doing a nose job could have been a

disaster!
Soon we received the Golden Boot for

two
years of evading the wily Nicodemon,

who was
still popping up out of the weeds

from time to
time trying to tempt us. We just

yelled, `Get
thee behind us, Nick,` and at 1,000

days we
got all dressed up to ascend the

Grand
Staircase. It`s hard not to trip on

one`s train
when balancing on spike heels.

However, we
were now Ladies, equal to the

challenge and
the sound of thunderous applause was

really
heady stuff. Last year we received

the keys to
Quitsville, an honor to be sure. Now

we can
stay out late if we want to, since we

have our
own keys to get back in.
And now, Dear Carla, it`s your turn

to step
forward and take your place on the

Sidewalk of
Stars!!! Ta Da!! (applause, applause,

applause)
It`s a worn out phrase to be sure,

but you
really have come a long way baby!

From the
girl who couldn`t hold her temper,

you`ve
become the patient person who helps

others
get through these hard first days and

weeks of
their quit. You`re the one who knows

the right
things to say to make them feel

better and like
they can keep on keepin` on one more

day or
at least a few hours. You`re the one

that
helped me when I truly felt I

couldn`t do this.
You`ve been a little bit sister, a

little bit
daughter and a whole lot of friend to

me and
I`m so proud of you!
So.... it`s time to celebrate again!

Something
really deserving of four years

smobriety!
FOUR!!!! Only you will know what that

special
thing will be. Whatever it is, do it!
Love You Lots,
Moon
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
from Frank
For Carla Courage To Change
From moron on 7/4/2006 10:10:06 AM
She started as
Caisy
that went
a little rough
There was Ferret
also
that wasn`t bad
in fact pretty good
Then came
Lucy 4 Now
and she was
something else
Just when we got
comfortable
Courage To Change
arrived
I knew
them all
watched them
laugh and cry
Through it all
and in it all
is a Kind and
Loving Heart
that only wants
to see people
recover their
Lives
from the addictions
that plagued
us all.
And for that
Service
we should
all be grateful
For Carla, Lucy, Ferret, and all.
To my dear friend Carla on her great

4 year
anny Iam very proud of you.
Frank
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
from Colleen
12:17 AM | Add a comment | Permalink

| Blog it | Health and wellness
4 Years

Couragetochange Makes 4 Years

Courageously!
From nicless on 7/4/2006 4:11:34 AM
Hey
(((((((((((((((((((Carla)))))))))))))

)))))))))))))
A HUGE Congrats to you for another

good year,
You`ve managed to accomplish riding

over
every fear.
Achieved much more then just being
smokefree,
Striving nonstop to be all that you

can be!
I do sincerly have great admiration

for you,
Wasn`t easy at all, considering all

you`ve been
through.
But you found the best way to work

each
challenge out,
You`ve reached out to others much

helping
them about!
The best way of conquering anything

is
practicing day by day,
You`ve given back well to others with

some
very good things to say.
I`ve watched your progress and seen

how far
you`ve come,
I do believe dear Carla, there is no

doubt in my
mind you won!
You credit God with guiding you

through all
the rough spots,
Through him you worked your wonders

helping
others A LOT!
This is a natural gift of yours, one

that should
give you great pride.
Now with 4 years without cigarettes,

it`s time
to enjoy the smokefree ride!
Have a Wonderful Day! You Earned it

Well! :)

Colleen
xoxox
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
from TitoTigar
CouragetoChange Gets Her Star
From Titotiger on 7/4/2006 1:27:00 AM
(((((Carla)))))
Way To Go – 4 Years Quit – Awesome

Job. You
Earn You `Star On The Walk-Of-Fame`

Today.
Be Sure To See My Post In Quitting

Milestones
`3 New Super Stars Today`. Keep

Taking It 1
Step At A Time And Continue To Rack

Up Those
Milestones. Remember: Winning Never

Grows
Old & Life Is Too Precious To Let It

Go Up In
Smoke. Congrats Again And Enjoy Your

Special
Day.
See You At The Top
Dave
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~
finally from me
One Day At a Time
From CouragetoChange on 7/4/2006

4:14:11
PM
I am writing in OA forum where I do

most of
my Q work, actually its a pleasure

and I know
for a fact I get more out of it then

anyone else
lol, but thats the way it works and

thank
goodness we all have the opportunity

around
here to do something to help a quit

get
through one more day and the quitter

a little
stronger.
Yesterday I was with a friend walking

our dogs
together when I saw a couple standing

by a
vehicle with an American flag on it

the day
before Independence day, SMOKING! It

was
the first time since I quit that I

really wanted
to go over and point out the insanity

in that
picture lol. When I quit using I was

out there
right away with pamphlets on a

missing to
change the lives of all users and

drinkers by
getting them into AA, assuming they

wanted
what I had lol. But today I know it

takes what
it takes. But what I know in my heart

is that
hitting bottom on drugs and alcohol

is very
different from hitting bottom on cigs

or
chewing, cuz we don`t get back up and

too
often its a pine box and loved ones

broken up
but gateful we aren`t suffering any

longer.
Geez! Anyway I held my peace (sp?)

and hope
they make it here one day soon.
Colleen wrote a poem for me that

surpised me
so much. And I make mistakes all the

time, and
when I was doing the cognitive

quitting thing
and trying to pass it on to others, I

said more
then once, cognitive smoking lol! I

think that
loud voice has to get a little

quieter to keep
from being blasted too hard and so

sneaks in a
few twists and turns, but I loved the

poem so
much, thank you for making this day

very
special.
Titotiger, the last person I expected

a personal
post from, another wonderful surpise

and I
was just like wow! Thank you! I love

the work
you do in milestones, I remember

doing a list
for the newcomers and the commitment

it
takes, you are so wonderful because

you do
that daily, and because you are you.
Moonchaser is a very special lady to

me. 2
Days ahead of me and I believe that

closeness
in time helped make it possible for

us to know
exaclty where the other was at almost

all
times. God I was MAD when she found

me. And
I did not ask about sharing some of

her story
so the best I can say is we spoke the

same
language and that meant the world to

me, as
she does today. Your best quitbud can

easily
become your best friend and I can`t
recommend any louder, find someone so

close
to you that when you`re shaking

they`re
shaking. Send e cards and things to

brighten
their day and try your best to keep

them quit
and you will keep you quit in the

process.
Cindy (sallysmoker) , a true gem,

thank you for
being there when I came back (another

story)
you have been an anchor and constant

support
when I needed it most, and still to

this day are.
moron, jaynurse, angelo, dancer, ken,

mike
Cindy (sallysmoker) ...oh man not

going there,
everyone in oa forum for hanging on

and for
bits of wisdom that enrich all our

quits. My
home forum, I didn`t want to come

here for
the longest time cuz I had no

program..... and
like many who come here not wanting

to go to
AA or another 12 step program, I

didn`t either,
cuz going back would mean having to

swallow
my pride and admit I had gone out.

But the
people at Quitnet and the weakening

of my
quit and desire to keep it left me

little choice. I
was welcomed back with open arms, I

cried
and I keep going back.
I quit on the 4th of July because I

thought
everything was closed and it would be

difficult
to get money to get smokes even if I

felt like
walking to the liqueur store. Course

everything
was opened except banks and stuff,

but it was
one of those times getting stupid was

a good
thing lol. Anyway so thats why....
But everyday that we don`t smoke is

the 4th of
July (Independence Day) and that is

the most
important day, the day you`re living

now. Cuz
I reach 4 years at 7 pm and if you

ask me how
I did it I can say, I quit got

spaced, got angry,
the quit got easier I got less angry

until today
there`s not much room for anger

because the
love around here kind of fills in

where that
used to be. I am quit cuz of you

guys. I just
went along for the ride.
The one thing I want to express is

the idea
that not all quits are the same. I

struggled so
long and failed every time. But this

time just
decided that maybe I didn`t know how

bad it
would be and maybe I could do it.

Kind of
surrendered to the idea of maybe. My

friend
says I gave God a fighting chance and

the Q.
This is way too long.... There is

nothing you
can`t do if you truly want it.

Smoking is no
different too. Yeah its tough, the

changes its
just peeling the onion, ripening of

the rose, the
thorns to remind you where you come

from.
Dive in and swim, keep the quit no

matter
what! We all believe in you.. use

that.
I thank the Lord for my quit and my

sobriety
everyday. For 4 years, one day at a

time. And
every person in the Q, the root and
nourishment of my quit.
God bless.
with love and hugs
Carla
1q2 gave me this for my anny and if

its ok I`d
like to share it with you too.
http://www.maylin.net/Fireworks.html
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
12:15 AM | Add a comment | Permalink

| Blog it
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ramblin` poem
From CouragetoChange on 7/4/2006

3:24:17

PM
I quit on independence day
Kind of said what the hey
But I knew I`d never see it through
But then I remembered the Q

Heard of it one night on c-span
Chalked it up to a scam
No web bug was gonna watch me quit!
And almost said to hell with it!

But that little voice so quiet spoke
Keep on smoking and you choke
Go to Quitnet and eat your pride
Just gotta take the web bugs in

stride

And so I got an account in this place
For almost a week I was in outer

space
Got a Pink Floyd trip almost for free
And still quit today as I can be

Didn`t pick the 4th of July exactly
But thought everything was closed so

practically
It would be hard to buy any fags
But the quit was far from in the bag

It is tough in the wee early days
But hang in there come what may
Now its a long story so let me close
Saying anyone with even three months

knows

Its just a day at a time
Keep it going and make some rhymes
Don`t smoke no matter what you do
Can`t wait to see each of you here

too

Thank you for the grats and things
I got here riding upon your wings
A prayer in mind and in my heart
That from `this` family I`ll never

part!

Happy Independence Day to everyone
It also falls everyday and more often

for some
Cuz claiming freedom from smoking at

last
Living in today leaving smoking in

your past

Congrats to you as you say congrats

to me
I am reminded though that its really

`we`
So it is all our anniversary this

holiday
And it doesn`t rhyme but a hug and to

all

thanks!

moron I love the poem and (everyon)

love this

club.
Thank you and God!
hugs
carla


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
`Only when the last tree has died
and the last river has been poisoned
and the last fish has been caught
will we realize we cannot eat money.`
Cree Indian Saying

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~*~

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

~*
Don`t try to reason with your heart
or feel with your mind
for just as the heart knows no logic,
the mind can`t lead you to your soul

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~*~

*~*
We practice compassion through
acts of forgiveness, releasing

resentment,

anger and hurt.
We understand forgiveness when we

realize
that every act is either an

expression of love or

a call for love.
Mary Manin Morrissey

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*